How to Get Perfect Eyebrows

If you want perfect eyebrows, you have a few options: you can go to a salon and get them waxed or threaded, or you could can create the perfect shape yourself. First figure out what shape is best for your face, then decide how thick or thin to go and shape your brows using tweezers and an eyebrow pencil. With great eyebrows, you can be one step closer to that movie star look. Grab those tweezers!

Method 1 of 3: Figuring Out Your Perfect Brow Shape


1
Find the place where your brows should begin. Finding just the right spot for your inner brows to start is key to creating perfect brows, since starting too far in could throw off the balance of your face.To figure out where your inner brows should start, use the following technique:
Take a pencil or another long, thin instrument. Line it up from the corner of your eye to the edge of your nose.
The place where the instrument overlaps your brow is where it should begin. Mark the spot by making a dot there with an eyeliner pencil. Repeat on the other side.




2
Find the spot where your eyebrow arch should peak. Most eyebrows naturally arch around the eye, and finding the place where the arch peaks is essential to making them look perfect. Use the same long, thin instrument to figure out where your arch should peak by following this technique:
Look straight ahead in the mirror.
Line up the instrument with the outer edge of your nostril and the outer edge of your iris.
The place where the instrument crosses your brow is where your arch should peak. Mark it with a dot using an eyeliner pencil. Repeat on the other side.


3
Determine where your brow should end. Finding the right place for brow to end is as important as where it begins. You want your brows to frame your eyes gracefully. Find the right spot by lining up the long, thin instrument in this way:
Line up the instrument from the edge of your nostril to the outer corner of your eye.
The place where the instrument crosses your outer brow is the place where it should end. Mark the spot with a dot using an eyeliner pencil.


4
Determine how thick you want your brows to be.Perfect eyebrows for someone else may not be perfect eyebrows for you. The thickness of your eyebrows is a personal decision that should be influenced by the following factors:
The size of your eyes. If your eyes are on the bigger side, thicker brows can help balance them out. If they're small, thick brows might overshadow them, so you'll want to choose a brow thickness that's slightly thinner.
The size of your lips. A good general rule of thumb is that your eyebrows should be about the same thickness as your upper lip. This can help 'tie the look together'. If you look at pictures of models in magazines than you'll notice this is the case with many of them.
The distance between your brows and your eyes. If you have a low brow bone that is set close to your eyes, you'll want to pull up your brows a bit to lighten the area. If you have a high brow line spaced well above your eyes, heavier brows might provide a more balanced look.
Your style preferences. Sometimes thick, bushy eyebrows are in style, and sometimes more people prefer them to be thin and well-tailored. Think about what style you're going for before you dive into plucking your brows.

Method 2 of 3: Plucking and Filling Your Brows


1
Brush your brow hairs up. Take a small eyebrow brush or a fine-toothed comb and brush the hairs up in the direction they grow. This will make it easier to figure out which hairs need to be plucked.


2
Tweeze the hairs outside the dots you drew. Now it's time to start shaping your brows according to the plans you laid out. Make sure you're in a well-lit area so that you don't accidentally tweeze too much. Grasp each hair firmly with the tweezers and pluck one at a time in the direction they grow.
Start with the inner brow, closest to your nose. Use the tweezers to pluck the hairs that are closer to your nose than the dot.
Tweeze the hairs that fall outside the dot on your outer brow.
Tweeze hairs above and below the arch area. Look at the place where your arch should peak and carefully tweeze around it to make the peak slightly more prominent.
Tweeze the bottom of the brow. Pluck stray hairs under your brow and shape the bottom. If you decided you want thick brows, stop after plucking the hairs that grow outside the brow. If you want thinner brows, carefully pluck the underside of the brow to lighten it up.


3
Tweeze the other brow. Now that you've shaped the first one, take extra care to make sure the other brow matches it in shape and size. Use the same method to tweeze the hairs on the inside of the inner brow dot, the outside of the outer brow dot, around the arch peak, and on the underside of the brow. Examine both brows in the mirror to make sure they are even.


4
Don't overpluck. Avoid the temptation to keep plucking hairs in order to create two perfectly even brows. You risk plucking away too much hair. Eyebrow hair can take 6 - 8 weeks to grow back, and sometimes it's gone for good. Take care of the hair you have.

Method 3 of 3: Styling Your Brows


1
Fill in the brows. Take an eyebrow pencil in a shade close to that of your brows and make light strokes in the direction that your hair grows to help fill out your look. Eyebrow hair doesn't usually grow completely evenly, so filling in the gaps is a necessity for creating the perfect brows.
Don't create an arch where there isn't one, or try to lengthen your brows with a pencil. It will be too obvious that you drew extra parts.
For a heavier look, choose an eyebrow pencil that's a shade or two darker than your natural brow shade.


2
Use a brow comb. Gently comb them into shape so that no hairs are poking up in the wrong direction. If you filled in your brows with pencil, take care not to smudge it when you comb your brows.


3
Apply brow gel. This helps your brows stay in place all day, and prevents them from getting messy under windy conditions. Apply a dab to the inner part of your brow and either smooth it to the outer part of your brow with the tip of your finger or use the brow brush to comb it in.
If you don't have brow gel, you can use hairspray instead. Spray your finger with hair spray and wipe it across your brow.
You can also use a dab of petroleum jelly in place of brow gel.

Tips

Pluck in the evening so you skin has time for the redness to go away.
To minimize the pain of plucking, do it right after you get out of the shower.
Never shave them as you will get dry skin and they will become itchy.
To minimize the pain, wash your face with warm water. This will open up your eyebrow-pores and make the pain bearable.

7 Intimate Secrets Women Wish Men Knew

Everyone hopes for a receptive and sensitive partner who ultimately gets her without her speaking a word. These few tips might just help you be that man to your woman.
Making her feel important while having good conversation is like an aphrodisiac. There are just some things a woman expects her man to do or say without her having to verbally point it out. These gestures are just what you need to arrive at an explosive sexual relationship.

1. Most women appreciate displays of affection outside the bedroom: This includes non-sexual touching and little bit of tenderness. A little stroke of your face or hair is part of it too. Unfortunately, men accept this within the four walls of the bedroom.

2. Sex isn’t separate from a woman’s life: It means she has to first get in the mood before the kissing and touching. Satisfying sex is as a result of a good feeling all day. Which means she can’t be passionate if her man doesn’t make her enthusiastic enough.

3. Women get turned-on by great talk: This is why some women have sex after a great first date. Making her feel important while having good conversation is like an aphrodisiac. These intimate moments gets her in the right mood for sex.

4. Sex shouldn’t be like work: Men sometimes get too serious in the bedroom, women love to have fun in the bedroom. Women are more relaxed when sex comes with playfulness, this takes pressure from both partners.

5. Women sometimes feel insecure about their looks: For women who have been married for a long time, it’s quite normal to think her man may not find her as appealing as she used to be. As a man who cares a lot for his woman, it’s left to you to sense these insecurities and turn them around.


6. What happens after sex matters a lot to her: The tender loving care a woman needs goes beyond main sexual act. A woman appreciates it when a man knows how to go about these needs.

7. Great sex doesn’t equal to an orgasm: Most women enjoy pre-intimacy than the actual sex act. Although most men think they’ve done a good job when their women climax, but reaching orgasm isn’t always essential. What matters is the connection you both have before and during sex.
Source: http://www.naijaonpoint.com/relationship/secrets-women-wish-men-knew.html#ixzz3tRZxfOci

5 Things Guys Secretly Want From You (But Will Never Tell You)

One key difference I’ve observed between men and women is that women seem to be much more aware of what they want and need in a relationship…and aren’t afraid to express it. Men, for various reasons, aren’t always so in tune with what they really need in order to feel loved and fulfilled in a relationship, and the ones who are aware will seldom come right out and say it.

It makes sense from an intellectual standpoint. From an early age women learn to cultivate close, intimate relationships and they learn what makes them feel cared for and understood. Male friendships don’t usually have the same depth and level of closeness, so men typically enter the realm of emotional awareness later in life, usually when they form relationships with women.

A guy generally won’t ask for what he needs because a lot of the time, he doesn’t even know what it is. But then when you give it to him, it feels amazing. He feels appreciated and loved, and he comes to love you even more.

And with that, here are the top five things guys secretly love and want from you, but will seldom ask for.


1. Compliments

No man will ever come right out and tell you he likes it when you compliment him because it’s a weird thing to ask for, and also not very “manly,” if you will. But just because he doesn’t ask, doesn’t mean he doesn’t crave.

Men also feel insecure about their physical appearance, and they don’t get nearly as much validation as we do. Think about it, when a guy posts a picture on Facebook or goes out with friends he doesn’t have a loyal band of cheerleaders commenting on how great he looks. When it comes to his physical appearance, you’re really his only source of compliments, so load him up! Tell him you think that shirt is sexy on him, that you can tell he’s been working out hard at the gym, that a certain color makes his eyes look even more striking, that his hair looks sexy pushed back … you get the point!

2. When you ask for his advice

You know how amazing it feels when your man cherishes and adores you and showers you with love? Well he gets the same feeling when you ask for his advice. Men have an overwhelming need to feel useful, to feel like they have something of value to offer. This is true in all areas of his life and especially so in relationships. He wants to feel like he is adding to your life in a meaningful way, and you can help him feel this way by soliciting his advice and opinions.

When I get relationship questions from readers I love sharing them with my husband just to get his take and insights. Usually I already know the answer to the problem (I’ve been doing this for quite a while now!) but I still love sharing it with him and getting his feedback. And he absolutely lights up when given the chance to offer his input.

Men in general are very solution-oriented and thrive when there is something to be solved. That’s why a man will typically try to solve your problems when you talk to him about something that’s upsetting you, something most women get frustrated by because all we really want in those moments is emotional support, and men don’t realize that giving said support is more of a solution to the problem than actually solving the problem! (And if your guy does this, try not to get angry at him, just kindly tell him you appreciate his advice, but right now you just want his emotional support.)

3. When you desire him

You don’t always need to wait for him to initiate physical affection. Men love feeling like they’re irresistible—like you are turned on by him and can’t get enough—so flirt with him, seduce him, initiate physical intimacy. A huge turn-on for a man is seeing how turned on his woman is by him!


4. When you tell him what you want in a way that makes him feel good

Men want to make the woman they are with happy; this is actually one of the biggest driving forces for a man in a relationship. In fact, if a man doesn’t think he can make a particular woman happy, he most likely won’t want to continue a relationship with her. And men appreciate it when you tell them how to make you happy as long as it’s done in the right way. The right way does not include nagging, guilting, lecturing, or shaming. It entails lovingly telling him what you like and what you want in a way that makes him feel good. Framing something as, “I really love it when you …” rather than “Why don’t you ever …” is a good place to start.

When you lecture a man or come down on him for what he’s doing wrong, he feels like a failure. He also feels like a little kid being scolded by mommy for misbehaving. When you tell him what you want in a way that makes him feel good, he feels good about doing it and good about himself because he knows how to make you happy.
5. Support

One of the greatest feelings to a man in a relationship is feeling like he has a woman in his corner, someone who believes in him no matter what and sees him for the great man he is and the amazing man he could be. There is comfort in knowing that you will be there for him even if he fails, especially since failure is the hardest thing for men to deal with. When you support him and believe in him, and it comes from a true and genuine place, he feels on top of the world, like he can do anything. Most women don’t realize the enormous impact our approval has on men; in fact, I would say your guy is starving for your approval. When you’re proud of him, it is a huge driving force. Conversely, when you’re disappointed in him, it’s crippling and makes him feel like a worthless loser.

Bonus:

All the five things listed actually fall under the umbrella of the number one thing all men want but will never tell you and that is … appreciation.

Appreciation is probably the biggest motivator for a man and it’s something most are starved for. In order to keep your relationship happy and fulfilling, it’s crucial to express appreciation for all the things he does, both big and small. As I mentioned, men are starved for your approval and they need to feel like winners. When you express genuine appreciation, you’re killing two birds with one stone and giving him the greatest gift you can give. The worst thing you can do is to expect certain things from him or act entitled.

Appreciation isn’t just about what he does for you, it’s about appreciating who he is. Show appreciation for his good qualities, his values, his ambitions, his life choices. Find those things you love about him and show him you appreciate them. Don’t assume he just knows, because he doesn’t. This is probably the most powerful and transformative relationship skill that you can ever master.

Got something else to add? Share it in comments!

Sourced From: Anewmode.com by Sabrina Alexis

10 Definitive Ways To Tell You’re In Love With The Right Someone

Falling in love is one of the most exciting, rewarding and scariest things you could ever do.

Once you’re in love with someone, it’s hard to remember how you lived without him or her. Of course, you were alive before you met this person, but you really didn’t start “living” until the two of you met.

I remember when I first fell in love with my girlfriend; it was a very scary feeling, as I had managed to elude love for the entirety of my life before her. I specifically remember the transition from when I liked Vanessa to when I began to love her.

Vanessa went from being someone who made me smile to being the greatest catalyst of the happiness and joy in my life. She went from a gorgeous girl I met to the most beautiful girl I know. She went from my crush to the love of my life.

Everyone experiences love differently, and at different times. Even the meaning of love is extremely subjective, but I say for certain that anyone who’s experienced it knows it’s the best feeling ever.

Here are 10 ways to know if you might be in love — rather than in like — with someone:

1. The best part of your day

As Childish Gambino said, “When I’m alone, I’d rather be with you.” Seeing my girlfriend is always the highlight of my day. If you really love someone, you never truly get tired of him or her.

No matter how great your day might be going, your special person will make it better. When you just like someone, he or she might make your day better, but probably isn’t the best part.

2. The first person you think about

Your love will be the first person you think about when you wake up and the last person you think about before you go to sleep. When something good happens to you, this is the first person you want to tell.

When something bad happens to you, you look to this person for support.

3. Prioritize above your own needs

Love is selfless. I was the most important person in my world until I met my girlfriend. Once I fell in love with her, her needs became much more important than my own.

This is just how love is. Your needs always seem trivial in comparison to your significant other’s needs.

4. You’d do anything

If I tried to construct a list of things I wouldn’t do for my girlfriend, the list would be pretty empty. When you’re in love with someone, you do whatever you can to make the person happy.

When you like someone, you may feel like there is a lot you would do for the person, but you have your limits. True love knows no limits.

5. You are never afraid to express your feelings in public

I have this semi-bad habit of telling the world how in love I am with my girlfriend.

When you’re truly in love, you want everyone to know. You are not bashful about your feelings by any means. When you like someone, there is a lot of holding back on how you feel.

6. You love the imperfections

My girlfriend is the most beautiful girl I know, but she does have some imperfections. But, to me, they’re not imperfections — they’re unique qualities and things I love.

When I tease her about them, she thinks I am making fun of her, but I am truly just admiring them. Love is the ability to know and accept someone’s faults.

You may know the imperfections of a person you like, but having the capacity to embrace them likely won’t happen unless you fall in love.

7. You think long-term

When you’re in love with someone, it’s hard to imagine a future without the person in it. For this reason, you will think long-term about how you can build a life with this person.

You won’t give in to short-term temptations that might mess up your long-term goals. When you just like someone, thinking long-term can be pretty scary.

8. You become a better person

No one is perfect; we all have room for improvement. But, being in love will force you to work on these things.

You want to become the best version of yourself for the person you love. I am a better person now than I was before I met my girlfriend.

9. Your feelings are unconditional

When you love someone unconditionally, it means that your love knows no conditions and is absolute. I don’t actually like the term “unconditional love” because I think it’s redundant — I believe all true love is unconditional.

When you like someone, your feelings change depending on the condition.

10. Your love is your best friend

Sometime along the way, my girlfriend became my best friend. I believe this to be true for most people who fall in love.

Your significant other becomes your partner in crime. You feel like, together, you can take on the world.

Sourced from : Elitedaily.com

Interesting Things You Didn't Know About The Female Body

There are actually many proven differences between men and women. Many people think of these in terms of behavior, but there are also many interesting ways women’s bodies react. Following are some of the most surprising facts about the female body.

Some Women See More Colors

The gene that allows for the perception of the color red is found on the X chromosome. When women have a mutation of this gene on one of their chromosomes, it enhances one’s ability to see a wide spectrum of hues of this color. This is believed to have developed as a way to distinguish between insects, berries and foliage, but the modern woman usually uses it when buying sundresses.

Women Use Twice As Much Brain Power

Scientists at the Indiana University School of Medicine used MRIs to monitor the brain activity of men and women listening to passages from a novel. The brain activity of men appeared almost exclusively on the left side of the brain associated with speech and listening, but women also showed activity on the right side of the brain associated with creativity.

Estrogen Affects Dental Health
Surges in estrogen can cause gums to swell, and this can increase a woman’s chances of developing gingivitis. It is important for pregnant women to have dental exams and cleanings as frequently as every three months. Estrogen also makes dry sockets more likely, so women needing extractions should schedule them during the last week of the menstrual cycle for the lowest estrogen levels.

The Female Face Photographs Better
Women have skin that starts to age faster at middle age, but men still tend to look older in general. This is due to the fact that women usually have more supple skin along with the fact that men constantly shave and apply aftershave. Higher levels of testosterone also tend to make skin look oily.

Women Are More Wary
Carnegie Mellon researchers have evidence that aversion to dangerous (or just creepy) creatures may be stronger in females from the time of birth. They showed infants photos of spiders and human beings. Female babies tended to spend more time looking at people compared to looking at spiders, but male babies spent an equal time on both. The theory is that women evolved to be more wary of dangerous creatures in order to better protect their children.

There’s a Reason Women Need Their Own Bathrooms
The lower portion of the colon (known as the sigmoid) is often longer in women. Combine this with the reproductive organs of the female, and it results in more digestive components tucked in a smaller space. The system of a woman has less room to expand when plagued by excess gas or food, so females are more likely to experience gastrointestinal distress.

Free Waxing?
The hair “down there” tends to remove itself after a little less than a month. This is nothing compared to hair on the head that can last for as long as seven years.

Intuition in the Nose
Researchers have shown that women of childbearing age can pick up familiar scents even at very low levels. Women can also tell when their partner is feeling stressed out just by sniffing their shirt.

Cancel That Drinking Competition
Women produce less of the enzyme that breaks down ethanol in the stomach. When drinking the same amount of alcohol as men, women have a higher blood alcohol level even when controlling size differences. There is also less water to dilute the alcohol, and this makes the negative effects much stronger.

You’re Not Overly-Emotional… Your Body Is
Adult females cry around 5.3 times per month compared to the 1.4 times for men. It has been shown that women have tear glands that are built differently to those of men, and this allows women to cry more easily. The hormone prolactin regulates the development of tear glands, and women have up to 50 percent more of it by the age of 18.

The Pain Threshold
When men and women suffer from the same health conditions, women actually suffer more. It has been shown that women feel pain more intensely than men. The solace is that high levels of estrogen can trigger the body’s ability to reduce pain, but it can produce a more intense response whenever estrogen levels drop.

He Cheated, She Stayed: One Woman's True Story of Getting Over Infidelity Part 2(final)

I tried to downplay what a chump I'd been for not seeing this coming. When I told one friend about Sam's infidelity, I said, "I know it's not like he's literally the last person on Earth you'd expect to have an affair...."

"Nope," she cut me off, "he pretty much is."

And honestly? I'd thought so, too. I fell in love with Sam with the kind of total trust and joy a child feels when she jumps off a table into a grown-up's arms. I knew with utter certainty that he would catch me.

After we got engaged, he asked me to promise that if I were ever tempted to cheat on him, I'd come to him first and tell him, so we could address whatever part of our relationship had gone awry and was making me crave attention elsewhere. I laughed, because it seemed like such a ridiculously hopeful request. And then I gave him my word. Did I ask him to promise me the same thing? Of course not. It never even occurred to me. Sam's cheating on me was inconceivable.

What is the difference between trusting someone and taking them for granted? I think I fell into that gap. I felt so safe with Sam that it was almost an insult. If you'd stopped me on the street any time during the past five years and asked what was the single thing I loved most about my marriage, I'd have said, "That's easy: trust."

I had grown less in love with Sam than with the security I felt from him.

While it was happening, of course, I wasn't aware of any of this. I knew we were a little off, but I told myself it was just a passing phase, a rough patch on the long road of married life.

Besides, Sam and I went to great lengths to take care of our relationship. Even during the years when he was cheating, we went out on date nights every week (except when he was traveling for work—or for "work"). Every Thursday, as I stood before the mirror putting on eyeliner and brushing my hair, the children would mewl and cling to me like kittens. "Why do you have to go out with Daddy again?"

I would stop what I was doing and gather them around me and explain that our family was a wonderful, precious thing, and that my relationship with their father was at the heart of it. We had to keep our relationship strong for the whole family to be strong.

And sometimes, a few hours later, when Sam and I finished dinner (we never went to movies or shows; we always preferred to talk) and the bill came and we balked at the cost, one of us would offer up what had become a standing joke between us: "Well, at least it's cheaper than couples therapy." Ha ha. (Ask me, when all this is over, how much we've spent on therapy, individual and group and couples. It will be in the tens of thousands.)

And sometimes we'd have a fight, and after it was over we'd congratulate ourselves on the way we fought things through, really aired them and resolved them, didn't let them fester. We agreed that one of the strengths of our marriage was that we fought so well.

The idea that Sam had sat there, echoing all these preening verdicts about our marriage while he was screwing Daphne on the side, walloped me one day, many months after his confession. This kind of thing happened a lot: Some out-of-the-blue realization—some piece of the puzzle I'd somehow missed—would, out of nowhere, just stun me. Each time this happened, I went spiraling down into a three- or four-day depression. After a while, it occurred to me that maybe my mind was parceling out the pain, because I never could have handled it all at once.


Yet interspersed with the dark whirlpools were small, sparkling moments when I would remember why I loved my tall and handsome husband—and why I liked him, too: his intelligence and sincerity, his patience and humor, the pleasure I took in his easy company, day to day.

And so, after some of my anger had dissipated, I began to take a long, hard look at myself. I had to admit that I was partly to blame, not for Sam's affair—that was his own stupid decision—but for the cloud of disappointment and annoyance that had become a permanent feature of our marriage. I had grown to resent him when our kids were babies—a time when his needs, even his love, felt to me like just one more tiresome burden.

Oh, I'd never stopped being generous and sweet to Sam in small ways, but deep down I had gradually divested myself of our marriage. Many years ago, I read in a magazine (Esquire, I think) that men care less about how their wives look than about how they look at them. In other words, our extra ten pounds matter far less than our critical, disappointed gaze. It had been a long time since I'd bothered to regard Sam adoringly. How could I when he neglected to call and tell me he'd be home late from work again? Or left his underwear in a wad behind the bathroom door again? Or was too busy to help when I prepared a dinner party for our friends...again? We were in a standoff—neither of us getting what we really needed, and neither of us willing to perform the first act of generosity. It felt easier—kinder, even (for the fight it avoided)—to give up, to just not care.

Of course, not caring is fine as long as you really don't care. But in our case, we actually did. A habitual mild bitterness, a casual scorn, became my default attitude toward Sam. He, meanwhile, was boiling with anger. He just didn't know what to do with it—until Daphne came along and offered him an outlet.
It is very hard to fall back in love with someone you know as well as you know a spouse after 12 years. You have none of the momentum of early love to propel you forward, and all the habits that drive you crazy to drag you down. But we both cared for our marriage enough to want to give it a chance, and to try our best not to damage it further. So we set some ground rules (which, okay, we broke fairly regularly): First, rather than blaming each other for what went wrong, we would each talk only about ourselves and how we felt—hurt, scared, unappreciated, whatever. Second, we would try to put aside our own anger sometimes and really listen to each other. And third, we'd spend as much time as we could not talking about the affair, but just talking—about the news, or our friends, or our crazy siblings. We'd go to concerts, and on hikes and bike rides with the kids. We'd cook together. We'd hold hands.

It's too soon for me to say how this will all turn out. There are still times when I am suddenly appalled to realize that I am married to a man who could do to me what Sam did. But here's the thing: Sam is appalled—and ashamed, too—and he was appalled and ashamed even when he was with Daphne.

Meanwhile, I do know this: Much as I am loath to admit that anything good could come out of his affair, our marriage now is, in important ways, often better than it ever was. Sam doesn't dismiss his anger in hopes that it will go away—and he's getting better at pinpointing some of the vulnerable feelings that the anger, like a guard dog, protects. And I've begun paying attention to the parts of him that I fell in love with 12 years ago, and that I never stopped loving, though I let them get buried beneath piles of laundry and dirty dishes. I even try to gaze at him adoringly, though sometimes it comes off more like a crooked grimace. "I'm trying!" I tell him.

A few weeks ago, I came across the push-up bra in the back of my closet. It embarrassed me—so emphatic, so blatant, more like a prosthetic device than an article of clothing. Yet I couldn't bring myself to throw it away.

So I tried it on for Sam. And it turns out it still works, still makes my breasts look amazing. He liked it.

But then, in the middle of sex, I slipped away, unable to stop myself from wondering: Did he touch her like this? Were her breasts bigger than mine? What did he say when he walked through the door of the hotel room—at any of the 21 different hotels where they had sex?


Sam held me while I cried. Later he asked how long I thought it would take until I was over it, and I had to admit I had no idea. Forever maybe. Or tomorrow.

Then he did something for me that I wasn't able to do for myself. He pulled me out of that ugly, bleak chapter of the past—our past, now—and back into the just-fine present. He said, "I am with you now. I love you now. I want to make our marriage really good again, starting now."

I blew my nose, took a deep breath, and found myself in his arms—the arms of someone utterly familiar to me, and also completely new and unknown. Which, it turns out—even after all the shock, the hurt, the betrayal—is still where I most want to be.

From the April 2010 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine.

He Cheated, She Stayed: One Woman's True Story of Getting Over Infidelity Part 1

What happened to her marriage made her come undone. Now, piece by piece, she's putting it all back together.

I have a black lace push-up bra left over from my days as a mistress. I was in my early 30s then, and fed up with relationships, fed up with falling for men who, the moment they noticed that I was sweet on them, would ask me to please stop liking them so much because it was making them feel claustrophobic.

Dating a married man who lived 3,000 miles away was different. To him, I represented the opposite of claustrophobia. I was freedom, excitement, possibility. To me, he was a kind of pause button in a dismal romantic life, and if I hadn't been feeling like such a misfit at dating I probably never would have gotten involved. I saw him maybe half a dozen times in five months. It never felt right—I worried more about his wife than he seemed to—and it was a relief to put an end to it when I met Sam (not his real name), the man who became my husband 12 years ago.

Sleeping with a married man taught me that an affair is mostly about carving out a little make-believe space in your life and then filling that space, helium-like, with passion. I also learned that sex occupies most of your hours together, and that preparing your body for sex occupies most of what's left of your free time. (I have never spent so long bathing and waxing, getting pedicures, and shopping for lingerie.) I learned that you regard someone differently when he is not a prospective mate; if he has an annoying habit—or an annoying personality, for that matter—so what? It's another woman's cross to bear. I learned that, in an affair, you are always on your second date, just about to fall in love, always witty and delightful and utterly uncomplicated.

It is tempting to romanticize that charmed bubble, especially when you compare it to the fatigue and frustration and bill-paying and child-disciplining and flinch-inducing touches and bad breath and underhanded jibes that fill the middle years of marriage. But an affair only briefly obscures the dark grief every spouse surely feels over the dwindling of marital love, while doing nothing to address what went amiss.

I knew all that, and I also knew (from People magazine if not from experience) that an affair can destroy a marriage. What I didn't know is that some marriages can withstand the damage. And that some might actually benefit from being broken open, because the breaking—however painful—opens the door to rebuilding something better.

It turns out that my marriage was—is—one of those.

In December 2008, nine days before Christmas, and barely four months after my husband, three small children, and I had moved to a new town where I knew not a single person, Sam came home from work, ate supper, sat me down on the sofa, and confessed that he had been having an affair for the past three years. I can still remember the way his face looked when he spoke those words—crumpled and terrified, it trembled and spasmed like a bird that has been hit by a car but is not yet dead.

Sam said the affair was completely over. He said he was deeply regretful, that he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that all he really wanted was us—me, our three amazing kids, our life together. He promised that he would not communicate anymore with Daphne (not her real name, either), and that if she tried to reach him, he would let me know. He called it a big mistake. He called it a bad choice. But he also said that he had truly loved and admired Daphne, whom he met working on a long-term project on the other side of the continent. He said she was funny, smart, and ballsy. That she was married with two small children. (How small? They met when she'd just come back from maternity leave. She had actually introduced Sam to them, and to her husband. And to her parents.) Oh yes, and he also mentioned that they'd neglected to use any birth control whatsoever, either of them. Ever.

I was...oh, Christ, I don't know if there are words enough in the English language to describe what all I felt over the course of the next few weeks and months. I was hurt, shocked, heartbroken, furious, traumatized, upended, terrified. I felt betrayed, violent, suicidal, humiliated, and unutterably sad. I injured myself—by mistake a few times but also on purpose, like a teenager, with a knife, and with coals from the fire. I was half wild with insomnia. For weeks on end, I slept maybe two hours a night, and ate little more than a hard-boiled egg and a chocolate a day. (I had never in my life lost my appetite so completely; this, at least, felt like a gift.) My mouth was dry and I was always freezing cold, shivering. I drank huge amounts of vodka and never felt drunk, as if my fury were burning off the alcohol the moment it entered my bloodstream. During the day, after Sam went to work, I dug through everything of his; it was the only activity I had the will for. At night, while he slept, I searched his laptop, cut his favorite sweaters to pieces, poured nail polish on his shirts, then woke him up, shouting, flailing, sobbing.

And yet there was one thing I knew right away: I was not ready to get divorced. In part this was simply because I realized I was too distraught to make a sensible decision. If I kicked Sam out in a rage, I might take him back once I cooled off, only to banish him again a few weeks later when more bad feelings hit. I couldn't do that to our kids.

But I was also reacting to the fact that I did not know who Sam was anymore; the person who had cheated on me was completely foreign to me (and to himself, as it turned out). I needed to find out who I was actually married to now. And whoever that person was, I knew (in my rare lucid moments) that our marriage must have stopped working for him somewhere along the way, and that fixing it was something we could only undertake together. I still felt attached to Sam—married to him, in my most random thoughts and habits, in my very blood and bones—and it seemed better to go through this trial with him than on my own.

The year following Sam's confession was wretched. I felt as if I were living forward and backward at the same time, excavating details about the past—ours and theirs—as I tried to figure out what came next: How could I keep our family on an even keel, and what could I do to fix our marriage, and was it even worth the trouble?

Sam went into therapy. I went into therapy. Night after night, we talked. I raged and called him names; he let me. I asked him questions and he answered, and although some of his replies will torment me forever (like, yes, they had sex in the bed in which we conceived our children), the mere fact that he was willing to talk made me feel safer and more connected, reassured me that he wasn't placing his memory of Daphne in a little private treasure box and pocketing the key.

Equally important was his willingness to apologize. "I'm sorry" is a remarkably powerful phrase when it comes from the heart.

"You can just keep on saying that," I told him. "Over and over, whenever you feel it." And he did.

There were moments when I actually felt a weird tender pity for Sam, who had come to our marriage with less knowledge of himself and less experience of the opposite sex than I had, and who seemed to have gotten in over his head with Daphne.

Weirder still, I was frequently (freakishly, it felt) turned on—especially in those first couple of months—and though I kept insisting to Sam that it was just break-up sex we were having (in the laundry room, guest room, car), I could not for the life of me understand why I was attracted to the jerk, let alone having the best sex of my married life with him.

I write this because no one told me what it would be like. When I called my closest friends in the city where I'd lived for so long (a place that suddenly felt very far away; I was unbelievably lonely that entire year) and revealed to them what had happened, I always wound up asking them if they knew anyone—anyone—who had been through this and made it out the other side, anyone who'd survived an affair and come out happily married. Because I wanted to believe it was possible, and to know how it could be done. What was normal? Was there a road map? How long would it take? None of my friends seemed to know such a couple. Other marriages might have survived an affair, but no one was talking.










Second part coming tomorrow night....

Is He the One? Does He Love Me? Part 1

Love isn’t one grand gesture.


It’s a series of little gestures that last a lifetime.


Your man and you may truly be in love with each other.


But every now and then, especially when you’re feeling a little insecure or confused, your mind can’t help but helplessly wonder if he really loves you.


Feeling insecure occasionally is a part of experiencing love.


It’s natural and something all of us feel now and then.


But what matters is what your lover does to reassure you, and make you feel more loved.


When two people first fall in love and experience the high of infatuation, all either of you would want to do is please the other person or shower them with little acts of love and romance.


But as the infatuation starts to fade and steady love starts to set in, the same gestures you use to decipher love *infatuation* can’t be used anymore, not when love takes a truer and deeper form.


Your guy may buy you gifts or indulge in romantic gestures to please you and woo you, and they definitely work!


But to truly understand whether your man loves you, you need to keep an eye on the signs he gives away when he doesn’t realize it himself.


#1 He communicates. In a relationship, the more the couple talks, the better they understand each other. And if your guy does love you, he can’t help but talk about his feelings and his desires, and he’ll want to know everything about your life too. It’s the easiest way to connect and build a better relationship.


#2 He’s mesmerized by you. Do you ever catch him staring at you when you’re busy doing something else? That’s a clear sign that he can’t get enough of you! *and he’s definitely awed by you too*


#3 He bears it for you. A guy who really loves you likes seeing you happy. And he’d want to be involved in activities that make you happy even if he doesn’t enjoy it himself. Does he watch your favorite show with you even if he cribs or moans about it? Does he grumble about the dirt and the thorns while helping you weed your garden on a Sunday afternoon? It seems like he really loves you.


#4 Together time matters to him. He spends a lot of time with you, perhaps even more time than he spends with his friends. When your guy truly falls in love with you and sees you as a partner for life, even his closest buddies will take a backseat and he’d start spending more time with you.


#5 He tries hard to impress. He’s impressed you and he’s won you over. But if he loves you, he won’t just stop there. He’ll go out of his way to be nice to your friends and family so he can make a good impression on them, even if it’s only because he knows that’ll make you more happy.


#6 He bridges the personal space. Secrets are acceptable in a relationship, but when a guy falls hard for you, he’ll start to bridge the divide between his life and yours. He’d be okay with you knowing about his bank account details, a few of his passwords, or even if you answer his phone for him.


#7 He likes hugging you. Does your boyfriend hug you and hold you tightly occasionally, for no reason at all? He feels good when he hugs you because he’s in love with you. A good hug that lasts more than just a few seconds releases feel-good chemicals in your body, and even if your boyfriend doesn’t know this fact, his mind can feel it.


#8 Your thoughts are on his mind. He may have a busy life himself, but yet he makes it a point to remember all the big events in your life. And if you ever have something big to work on, he’s always around to help you or at least assist you.

#9 He’s changed his world. If a guy loves you, he’d change his habits and his lifestyle just to spend more time with you. He’d even be willing to miss a game or his favorite movie *and he won’t even whine about it* just to help you with a project or to listen to you when you have a shitty day!

#10 He flaunts you. A guy who’s not committed to you yet would avoid talking about you with good looking girls that he knows, especially his colleagues in his office or his hangout. But if he’s really serious about you, he’d flaunt you every time you come to meet him instead of trying to keep your presence discreet.

The man who loves you cannot imagine why he has never done it before.

Stay glued for more.... Part 2 coming next weekend, you wont want to miss it.

How do you get rid of period pain?

All those headaches and cramps you have every month – is there a way to either prevent them or get relief from them?

Lets Get To the Bottom Of This Together!

What about the tender, sore breasts and the distended abdomen from bloating? How do I deal with that? How do you get rid of the pain from constipation or from the weight gain and fluid retention when your ankles are swollen and you are miserable?

Do you have back pain? Diarrhea? Do you get depressed or over anxious during your cycle or are you one of the panic attack folks?

There are so many ways that you can suffer through your menstrual cycle that there must also be many way to get rid of period pain for good.

First let’s look at the menstrual cycle itself and where each type of pain shows up and how severe it is or can be. We will look at a few other cycle symptoms that are not pain but that can lead to excruciating pain.

Then we will look at the causes of each of these menstruation pains. Do you experience these pains before, during or after your period?

Are they from pms (Premenstrual syndrome)? When do you have chronic abdominal and stomach pain or really bad leg cramps?

Then what about those women who have very bad zits or extreme mood swings which can lead to those painful migraines.

Then we will look at ways to treat or remedy these episodes of painful menstrual cycles.

How can you deal with period pain naturally and quickly? What works fast? What can you do when you are at work?

What remedies work when you are at home?

We will give you all the help and all the tips you need to deal with all these symptoms and all these types of pain.

What remedies allow you to treat the pain naturally and quickly?

Can you do it without pills and without painkillers?

Can you cure the causes of this pain without taking tablets or without medicine?

Can the pain be alleviated for good? Are there home remedies that will do this?

Stages of the Menstrual Cycle

Premenstrual Stage – this is the one to two weeks prior to the start of the bleeding period. It is in this stage that all the pms symptoms begin. They might be slight and build to a crescendo in the next two stages but they start here. Mood swings, headaches and depression are particularly prevalent in this stage. Breast swelling and tenderness starts in this stage. Fluid retention can begin in this stage and last until the bleeding begins.

Follicular Stage – in this stage estrogen is produce in high quantities while the lining of the uterus in thickening in order to accept and hold the fertilized egg if need be. Eggs begin to mature in this stage and with the buildup of estrogen there is a hormonal imbalance that begins. All the symptoms of pms are in play in this stage. Bloating and cramping are particularly intense in this stage due to the buildup of the uterus and it begins to push on the pelvis and rectum. There are uterine contractions and spasms in this stage as well. Any symptom that began in the premenstrual stage will manifest stronger in this stage. This stage ends as ovulation begins.

Luteal Stage - In this stage the hormone progesterone is produced in the kind of quantities that estrogen we produced in the follicular stage. This progesterone starts to take over and push out the estrogen. You still have a hormonal imbalance but you don’t have as much because the real culprit is the estrogen. For instance the soreness of the breasts eases at this point. Ovulation is occurring in this stage and uncomfortable things like vomiting, nausea, constipation and diarrhea also happen here.

Period Stage this is the stage in which the menstrual bleeding or menses takes place. When the eggs are not fertilized they are shed along with the excess uterine lining, excess fluid and water and blood. The bloating ends in this stage along with any moodiness, depression, anxiety or panic attacks. Breast pain does return in this stage. All painful and uncomfortable symptoms taper off toward the end of this stage of the cycle.

Post Menstrual Stage – unfortunately some women experience some or all of the pms symptoms and issues in the week or two after their period ends and they stop bleeding.

Causes of Menstrual Cycle Pain

“According to the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, 50 percent of menstruating women suffer from dysmenorrhea or painful periods.” (http://www.livestrong.com/article/279819-what-vitamins-are-good-for-period-pain/)

Headaches – it seems that the increase in progesterone and the imbalance between estrogen and progesterone is the cause of these headaches and migraines. The decrease in estrogen in the luteal stage causes a decrease in magnesium. This depletion of magnesium is the real cause of the headache.

Cramps – Abdominal and stomach cramps – these can be debilitating to the point of making a woman bed ridden during her cycle. Cramping is caused by spasms and contractions in the uterus and pelvis. The release of prostaglandins increases the intensity of those spasms and contractions.

Back pain - For many women lower back pain is excruciating during the menstrual cycle and some also have upper back pain. The culprit here might be prostaglandins again.

Remedies and Treatments

Medical Treatments

It would be nice to deal with this period pain without medicine, but if need be there are both over the counter (OTC) and prescription medications that can help. These include Pamprin and Midol made specifically to deal with pms and prescriptions NSAIDS (Non-steroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drugs) and analgesics. 

Vitamins – 

Vitamin E: “According to Obgyn.net, a study was conducted on women who suffer with dysmenorrhea and found that after giving these women vitamin E supplements, 70 percent of the women tested experienced improvement in menstrual cramping after two cycles.” (http://www.livestrong.com/article/279819-what-vitamins-are-good-for-period-pain/) Vitamin E can block those pesky prostaglandins that can cause so much pain. Vitamin E needs to be taken at the very least 2 days before the cycle begins and three days after. 

Vitamin B3 (Niacin) “Vitamin B3 can also be helpful in combating menstrual cramps if taken every two to three hours when cramps begin. In a study stated on OBGYN.net, 88 percent of women noticed a decrease in menstrual cramping when taking this supplement. The recommended dose is 100 mg twice per day throughout the month, and 100 mg every two to three hours when experiencing menstrual cramps.” (http://www.livestrong.com/article/279819-what-vitamins-are-good-for-period-pain/)

Vitamin D is helpful in reducing inflammation that builds up during the menstrual cycle. Reducing the inflammation will reduce pain in the back and joints.

Natural Remedies without pills, painkillers, tablets or medicine

A lot of these remedies will help to reduce or prevent the menstrual pain without the use of pills, tablets or medicine.

Some of these herbs are in pill or tablet form however. 

Herbs there are a variety of herbs that help with menstrual cycle pain depending upon what type of pain it is and where it is. Many of these herbs can be used at home and at work so that women do not have to miss so much work time.

Dong quai is traditionally very effective at relieving pain from the menstrual cycle and especially joint pain. Dong quai is effective because it affects the life span and the production of estrogen. As we know estrogen causes most period pain.
Raspberry Leaf Tea is used to stop the contractions and spasms of the pelvis and uterus. This relieves the cramping pains.

Ginger is one of the most versatile herbs ever. In respect to period pain, ginger affects the release of prostaglandins which cause inflammations and pain.
Pycnogenol made from pine bark it is often used as a substitute for prescription analgesics.

Chaste berry is used almost exclusively for migraines and headaches as it is the most effective herb for this type of pain during the menstrual cycle.

Magnesium can act as a muscle relaxer for the uterus and can prevent spasms and cramping. It also helps to relieve headaches and fatigue during the menstrual cycle also.

Calcium reduces not only pain during menstruation but fatigue, depression and loss of appetite.

Lifestyle

There are several lifestyle issues you can pursue to ease the pain of pms and the menstrual cycle. There are just a few.

Yoga there are several advantages yoga that are helpful in pain reduction. Yoga offers the user exercise, stretching, relaxation time and meditation. All of these techniques can impact pain in a positive manner. 

Exercise is always a good remedy for pain. It takes your mind in a different direction, it stretches the muscles and tissues that might be cramping and causing the pain, and produces endorphins to make you feel better.

Sleep is a vital component to pain reduction. It is recommended that a woman who is inclined to a lot of menstrual cycle pain get more than 8 hours sleep a night in the week leading up to the start of her cycle.

Diet eating a well-rounded diet is also important to pain reduction.

So you can see there are a lot of ways to get rid of period pain. Every woman must decide for herself what the best choices are and what the best route is for her.

7 things to do when a guy doesn't like you

There are certain ways to act like a lady even when you have been rejected by a guy

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Unhappy woman (Shutterstock)






The worst thing a woman can do is to react obsessively to a guy who doesn't like. There are certain ways to act like a lady even when you have been rejected by a guy because he doesn't share the same feelings with you.

One sided crushes could be the worst thing ever, so how can a lady get herself out of that situation.

Kiley Coleman of Binoni lists a few tips on how to handle being rejected by a guy:


Ignore him: The most important rule when it comes to ways to react when he doesn't like you is to make sure you forget he exists. The worst thing you can do is try and talk to him. I'm not talking about that 3 day rule of no texting or calling, I mean a good amount of weeks. Girls always get this itch to text a guy something funny we've thought of, or a simple question, anything just to seem like it was okay to contact him, when really he knows what your true motive is. When we see the guys we like, we usually say hi and smile, and try and come up with a creative topic. Instead, go out of your way to not speak to him. If you have to, keep it really short, no more than 3 words. If he sees you are confident enough to be rejected and not become clingy, it will help paint his view of you different in his head. Best part is it may turn the tables around and create this chase! Because what guy can imagine a girl really getting over him that fast?


Don't be a flirt: If you are into a guy and he doesn't like you back, the worst thing you can do is flirt with him. All you are doing is making yourself more available to him, when your solution is to always become harder to get. Keep the body language to a minimum. That includes arm touching, turning anything he says into something sexual, and purposely trying to be around him. Rule on how to react when he doesn't like you, keep hands and feet away from boys at all times! There is a way to communicate with him in a monotone way just by staying neutral. You'll have no problem just by thinking of him as the creeper who is hitting on you when you go out.


Be cordial: This relates above to the two ways to react when he doesn't like you. There is a fine line between being a priss and being super sexual. The goal is you don't want him to think your emotional actions have any correlation between his zero feelings for you. If he says hello, say hello back. Think of being cordial as looking in a mirror. Whatever he does, you reciprocate the same way. That doesn't take away that ignoring him and not flirting are priorities. Just don't make the guy think, "Wow, she's so dramatic," because you purposely scuff him. When men see a female angry at them they think two things: crazy girl, and they don't want to deal with you.


Throw your guy friends in his face: Hard truth about men, ladies, is that the other views males have of you highly affect their opinion of you. The cycle of life with boys is that if one man finds a female attractive and tells another man, it creates an approval. The next thing you know the whole group of guys are talking about you. We all know men's basic instinct is competition, so when two or more are on the same page with a girl, the automatic "who will win" factor kicks in. When you first read this way to react when he doesn't like you, the assumption is to make your crush jealous. But really it is for him to see you are wanted and approved by other men. Even if your crush doesn't know it, his natural caveman instincts react.


Make yourself feel good: Girls, of course no one likes to feel rejected. Our first thought is to jump to "I am not enough." Instead of putting all your attention into feeling sorry for yourself and changing who you are to be liked, focus on enjoying your womanhood. If a guy doesn't like you it usually has to do with his own stuff, unless you are "that crazy girl" I mention often in my articles. Go for a massage, a manicure/pedicure, even a nice hike for some fresh air. If you feel like crying, throw on A Walk To Remember and grab a bowl a popcorn. Anything to take your mind off that boy, and put it onto yourself in a positive light.


Stop trying and accept it: There comes a point in our lives where we feel we will never get over that certain person. From experience, you do finally move on. If you are dwelling over the same crush for months on end, just give it up. It's a hard truth but sometimes you need to stop trying and accept the fact he doesn't like you. Why spend all your time going after and obsessing about someone, who isn't into you? All that energy can be focused on you, your friends, work, life, etc. The more you try and focus on something, the bigger it gets in a negative way. A lot of times letting go of the obsession creates a freedom, and a gift. The gift can come in different ways, like now that you are not fawning over this boy, you became more appealing to him. Or because you stopped spending your time focused on him, you opened your eyes up to see all the other men that are available to you. This is the toughest way to react when he doesn't like you.


Go party it up: Last but not least, go have fun! How are you suppose to have the opportunity for someone to come find you if you are stuck isolating and upset over a boy? Having a social life is the best way to react when he doesn't like you. Your social media walls will be blowing up with hot pics, and fun stories of the great nights you have been having out. This could make that boy realize you are someone he wants to go hang with, or better yet you might have found a new guy that is actually interested in you! So go throw on some heels and call up your girlfriends to have a night of fun!

Sourced from: pulse.ng

The 10-Second Makeup Trick That Takes Years Off

When it comes to makeup, we all play favorites. Maybe mascara is your MVP, or you won't leave the house without concealer. But if looking younger is your goal, blush should be your go-to: According to new research from the Charité Medical University in Berlin, you lose the natural flush in your cheeks as you age.

But chances are, blush isn't one of your staples. In a recentPrevention poll asking readers about their favorite cosmetics, blush came in dead last. "Many women over 40 are concerned about getting a heavy, streaky look, which is definitely aging," says Michelle Radow, a makeup artist based in Los Angeles.

(PHOTO BY ABEL MITJA VARELA/GETTY IMAGES)


Not to worry. We've broken down the steps to getting all of blush's anti-aging benefits (without a hint of clownishness).

Step 1: Lightly tap your brush onto your cream or powder blush, then suck in your cheeks a bit, so you can see their hollows. Your blush should be applied right above that area. "That's your cheekbone, where you would naturally flush if you went for a jog or spent a day at the beach," Radow explains.

Step 2: With light, quick strokes, brush the blush along your cheekbone, starting at the apple and blending it back toward your ear (the pigment should fade as you go, so it's not a stripe).

Step 3: Take a damp makeup sponge with a bit of cream or liquid foundation on it, tapping and blending the product over your blush. "This will make your blush look natural, like the flush is coming from beneath your skin, and will soften shades that are super pigmented," Radow says.

sourced from: prevention.com

10 Things Your Breasts Say About Your Health

They're right there on our chest—AA or DDD, perky or pendulous, nipples pale pink or dark brown—and yet most of us don't give our breasts much thought day to day. But we should. Here's what the look and feel of your dynamic duo can tell you about your health.

Growing size

If your breasts are growing, it's likely due to weight gain (because breasts are made up of mostly fat cells, in addition to glandular tissue), pregnancy (as milk ducts ramp up for breastfeeding), birth control pills, and/or hormonal changes related to your menstrual cycle (they're very sensitive to shifts in estrogen and progesterone). No need to worry, though you might need to buy new bras.

Shrinking size

If you find your chest shrinking, you've likely lost weight, or your estrogen levels are falling, perhaps from going off the pill or impending menopause. If you're seeing shrinkage and none of those apply (especially if you also have hair loss, acne and facial hair), consider being tested for Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), which is characterized by high levels of the hormones testosterone and DHEA. Or maybe just lay off the Starbucks. A study in the British Journal of Cancer found that drinking three cups of coffee a day caused breasts to shrink in some women, with additional cups increasing the effect. The culprit is a gene shown to link breast size to coffee consumption.

Large breasts

(PHOTO BY BAONA/GETTY IMAGES)

If you're generously endowed, you can thank (or curse) your DNA. While some studies have linked larger cups to a higher risk of breast cancer, there's not enough evidence to cause concern. "The bottom line is that more studies need to be done before any definitive conclusions can be made," says breast surgeon Daniel Maman, MD, assistant clinical professor of surgery at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine in Manhattan.

Shifting shape

DNA programs your shape, but it will morph over time. "Breast shape and appearance is largely based on age and history of child-bearing and breastfeeding," Maman explains. After breastfeeding and as we age, ligaments stretch, connective tissues break down, and skin loses elasticity, causing breasts to form more of a tear-drop shape (aka droop). "Life-long good bra support is one of the few things women can do to fight the effects of gravity," Maman says. You can also avoid yo-yo dieting, as weight fluctuations stretch the skin, and do exercises such as push-ups and chest presses to build up your pectoral muscles, which firms the chest muscles and makes breasts appear perkier.

Lumps and bumps

Throughout your menstrual cycle, your breasts may feel lumpy and bumpy, as hormonal changes cause benign cysts to fill with fluid. "In menstruating women, these fibrocystic changes are part of the normal architecture of the breast," says gynecologist Lauren Streicher, MD, associate clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Northwestern University's medical school. The lumps—which tend to show up on the sides of the breasts under the armpits and/or up front and over the nipples—may feel tender or even painful, especially pre-period, but it's not usually a cause for concern, especially if the lumps are symmetrical. As always, check with your doctor if you're worried.

Density

(PHOTO BY LEFKOWITZ/GETTY IMAGES)


If you're among the roughly half of women whose breasts are dense—meaning they have more fibrous and glandular tissue—it can be difficult to accurately detect masses or tumors on mammograms. That's because both dense breast tissue and cancer show up as white on x-rays. Since having dense breasts can also mean a slightly elevated risk of cancer, at least 22 states have passed a law requiring physicians to let you know if you have them, according to the organization Are You Dense Advocacy. Women with extremely dense breasts should ask their doctor about further testing, via MRI or ultrasound. In the meantime, get to know your body. "Be diligent with self-exams—know what your breasts feel like," Maman says. "Have a very low threshold to seek professional medical assistance if you feel something unusual."

Aches and pains

There's a long list of things that can cause breast pain, and most are benign. "Bilateral breast pain—pain in both breasts—is very often hormonal or due to too much caffeine," Streicher says, since caffeine exacerbates fibrocystic changes. Other possible triggers include PMS changes, an ill-fitting bra, mild trauma to the chest wall (like from bumping into something or just from doing high-impact exercise), and even carrying a heavy purse on the same shoulder day after day. "Muscle wall tenderness can hang on for weeks," Streicher says. "Most people don't connect the dots."

Breast pain can also come from a deficiency in iron, which regulates thyroid hormones. In a 2004 study, half of women reduced their overall breast pain after adding 6 mg of iodine supplements, which also boosts thyroid function, to their diets. While pain in only one breast could warn of breast cancer—"people think breast cancer doesn't cause pain but that's not true; it can hurt," Streicher says—there are a lot of non-cancerous things that can cause breast pain, and they're much more common.

Inverted nipples

Inverted nipples are perfectly normal if they've always been that way. "The big issue is if you have new inversion," Streicher says. "If you've always had 'outies' and one day you have 'innies,' get to the doctor right away because breast cancer is one cause of breast retraction." (But first make sure it's not just a temporary effect from the sports bra you slept in.)

Nipple discharge

Nipple discharge is not abnormal—it can happen after sexual stimulation—but it could signal a problem. "Most women immediately think it means breast cancer, and in some cases it does, but there's a long list of other things it could be," Streicher says. Especially when the discharge is happening on both sides, it's likely to be a hormonal issue. A common problem is elevated levels of prolactin, which could come from a medication you're taking (such as the pill or certain SSRIantidepressants), having an underactive thyroid, duct ectasia (a menopause-related shortening of the milk ducts), or worst case, a pituitary tumor. A benign tumor called a papilloma can occasionally cause a bloody discharge, Maman notes. Discharge can also just mean you're pregnant and your breasts are kick-starting the milk production factory. And milky discharge can persist for up to two years after you stop breastfeeding. "Most times, nipple discharge is normal but should still prompt an evaluation," Maman says, "particularly when nipple discharge is bloody, involves only one breast, and occurs along with skin changes and suspicion of a breast mass."

Color changes

While more advanced breast cancers can lead to skin color changes and skin dimpling, according to Maman, color changes are usually a sign of pregnancy, when nipples and areolas may enlarge and darken. Nipples may also get darker or puffier as you age, and that's totally normal, even if it's not your favorite look.

sourced from: prevention.com

The Key to Happy Relationships? It’s Not All About Communication

 If couples were paying any attention during the past few decades, they should be able to recite the one critical ingredient for a healthy relationship — communication. But the latest study shows that other skills may be almost as important for keeping couples happy.

While expressing your needs and feelings in a positive way to your significant other is a good foundation for resolving conflicts and building a healthy relationship, these skills may not be as strong a predictor of couples’ happiness as experts once thought.

In an Internet-based study involving 2,201 participants referred by couples counselors, scientists decided to test, head to head, seven “relationship competencies” that previous researchers and marital therapists found to be important in promoting happiness in romantic relationships. The idea was to rank the skills in order of importance to start building data on which aspects of relationships are most important to keeping them healthy. In addition to communication and conflict resolution, the researchers tested for sex or romance, stress management, life skills, knowledge of partners and self-management to see which ones were the best predictors of relationship satisfaction. Couples were asked questions that tested their competency in all of these areas and then queried about how satisfied they were with their relationships. The researchers correlated each partner’s strengths and weaknesses in each area with the person’ relationship satisfaction.

Not surprisingly, those who reported communicating more effectively showed the highest satisfaction with their relationships. But the next two factors — which were also the only other ones with strong links to couple happiness — were knowledge of partner (which included everything from knowing their pizza-topping preferences to their hopes and dreams) and life skills (being able to hold a job, manage money, etc.).

Couples counselors, however, rarely address these two areas, as the focus on strengthening relationships has been on improving communication to reduce destructive behavior and to build support and comfort for each other. “For the last 25 years,” says Tom Bradbury, a veteran couples researcher at the University of California, Los Angeles, “the prevailing attitude has been that relationships need to meet our emotional needs.” To be successful, however, he’s also found that relationships need to function in more practical, and perhaps mundane ways as well.

And learning more about your partner, says the study’s lead author Robert Epstein, a professor of psychology at the University of the South Pacific, in Fiji, could be relatively easy if people (men especially, since they scored worse in this area) took the trouble to find out, remember and put to use such relatively simple information as the names of their partner’s relatives and the dates of birthdays and anniversaries. Even more important, Epstein says, is knowing such critical things as whether your partner wants children. While his study did not separate trivial from such profound knowledge, he says that the two are strongly linked.

While other marriage researchers agree that forgetting things like birthdays or food preferences can be annoying and detrimental to a relationship, they believe the importance of life skills that was revealed in the study is telling.

“It’s an old idea, really,” says Bradbury. “In 1900 a woman or man would think, ‘My partner must be able to provide for me.’ ‘She must be able to help me plant and dig up the crops.’” If the couple had this foundation, they’d consider themselves lucky if they also got their emotional needs met. In Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage, historian Stephanie Coontz traces the gradual erosion of this old idea of marriage back about 200 years in Western society as cultural expectations about marriage changed from one rooted in kinship, property and utility to one in which people were expected to get nearly all of their emotional needs met by one person.

For today’s couples interested in improving their relationships, say the study’s authors, therapists might consider going back to the basics and incorporating more practical social skills into their discussions. And that may include referring those who lack these skills to money managers or career coaches. “Communication skills are necessary,” says Lisa Neff, couples researcher at the University of Texas at Austin, “but they’re not sufficient when couples are under stress.”

It’s important for couples to know how the outside world — whether they can get a job, whether their kids can play outside safely or go to a good school — will affect their relationship even if they have good life skills and good communication skills. Strong relationships, says Bradbury, recognizes how pressures outside of home and the relationship can influence, and even break down good communication skills.

“Outside,” Bradbury says, “there is a real world that impinges on us.” To deal with it takes not only communication, but also an understanding that even the strongest communication networks among partners can falter and when they’re under these intense external pressure. The strategy he suggests for couples he counsels is to join forces rather than turn away from each other. “It’s not you against each other; it’s you against the world,” he says.

6 Breathing Exercises to Relax in 10 Minutes or Less

Overworked, underslept and feeling the pressure? There are plenty of ways to find calm, without investing in a four-hand spa massage. All you need is a pair of lungs, your breath and 10 minutes or less.

                              

Don’t wait until fight or flight kicks in before minding your breath. Controlled breathing not only keeps the mind and body functioning at their best, it can also lower blood pressure, promote feelings of calm andrelaxation and help us de-stress.

While the effects of breathing techniques on anxiety haven’t yet been studied at length (at least not in a controlled clinical setting), many experts encourage using the breath as a means of increasing awareness,mindfulness or, for the yogis among us, finding that elusive state of Zen. To get to the bottom of the breath work, Greatist spoke to breathing expert Dr. Alison McConnell, yoga instructor Rebecca Pacheco and psychologist Dr. Ellen Langer. But follow closely: breathing easy isn’t quite as easy as it sounds.

From the confines of a bed, a desk or anyplace where negativity finds its way, consider these six breathing techniques to help keep calm and carry on.

1. Sama Vritti or “Equal Breathing”
How it’s done: Balance can do a body good, beginning with the breath. To start, inhale for a count of four, then exhale for a count of four — all through the nose, which adds a natural resistance to the breath. Got the basicpranayama down? More advanced yogis can aim for six to eight counts per breath with the same goal in mind: calm the nervous system, increase focus and reduce stress, Pacheco says.

When it works best: Anytime, anyplace — but this is one technique that’s especially effective before bed. “Similar to counting sheep,” Pacheco says, “if you’re having trouble falling asleep, this breath can help take your mind off the racing thoughts, or whatever might be distracting you from sleep.”

Level of difficulty: Beginner
2. Abdominal Breathing Technique
How it’s done: With one hand on the chest and the other on the belly, take a deep breath in through the nose, ensuring the diaphragm (not the chest) inflates with enough air to create a stretch in the lungs. The goal: Six to 10 deep, slow breaths per minute for 10 minutes each day to experience immediate reductions to heart rate and blood pressure, McConnell says. Keep at it for six to eight weeks, and those benefits might stick around even longer.

When it works best: Before an exam, or any stressful event. But keep in mind, “Those who operate in a stressed state all the time might be a little shocked how hard it is to control the breath,” Pacheco says. To help train the breath, consider biofeedback tools such as McConnell’s Breathe Strong app, which can help users pace their breathing wherever they are.

Level of difficulty: Beginner
3. Nadi Shodhana or “Alternate Nostril Breathing”
How it’s done: A yogi’s best friend, this breath is said to bring calm and balance, and unite the right and left sides of the brain. Starting in a comfortable meditative pose, hold the right thumb over the right nostril and inhale deeply through the left nostril. At the peak of inhalation, close off the left nostril with the ring finger, then exhale through the right nostril. Continue the pattern, inhaling through the right nostril, closing it off with the right thumb and exhaling through the left nostril.

When it works best: Crunch time, or whenever it’s time to focus or energize. Just don’t try this one before bed: Nadi shodhana is said to “clear the channels” and make people feel more awake. “It’s almost like a cup of coffee,” Pacheco says.

Level of difficulty: Intermediate
4. Kapalabhati or “Skull Shining Breath”
How it’s done: Ready to brighten up your day from the inside out? This one begins with a long, slow inhale, followed by a quick, powerful exhale generated from the lower belly. Once comfortable with the contraction, up the pace to one inhale-exhale (all through the nose) every one to two seconds, for a total of 10 breaths.

When it works best: When it’s time to wake up, warm up or start looking on the brighter side of things. “It’s pretty abdominal-intensive,” Pacheco says, “but it will warm up the body, shake off stale energy and wake up the brain.” If alternate nostril breathing is like coffee, consider this a shot of espresso, she says.

Level of difficulty: Advanced
5. Progressive Relaxation
How it’s done: To nix tension from head to toe, close the eyes and focus on tensing and relaxing each muscle group for two to three seconds each. Start with the feet and toes, then move up to the knees, thighs, rear, chest, arms, hands, neck, jaw and eyes — all while maintaining deep, slow breaths. Having trouble staying on track? Anxiety and panic specialist Dr. Patricia Farrell suggests we breathe in through the nose, hold for a count of fivewhile the muscles tense, then breathe out through the mouth on release.

When it works best: At home, at a desk or even on the road. One word of caution: Dizziness is never the goal. If holding the breath ever feels uncomfortable, tone it down to just a few seconds at most.

Level of difficulty: Beginner

6. Guided Visualization
How it’s done: Head straight for that “happy place,” no questions asked. With a coach, therapist or helpful recording as your guide, breathe deeply while focusing on pleasant, positive images to replace any negative thoughts. Psychologist Dr. Ellen Langer explains that while it’s just one means of achieving mindfulness, “Guided visualization helps puts you in the place you want to be, rather than letting your mind go to the internal dialogue that is stressful.”

When it works best: Pretty much anyplace you can safely close your eyes and let go (e.g. not at the wheel of a car).

Level of difficulty: Intermediate

While stress, frustration, and other daily setbacks will always be there, the good news is, so will our breath.

This article has been read and approved by Greatist Experts Dr. Ellen Langer and Rebecca Pacheco.

sourced from; healthland.time.com