The Key to Happy Relationships? It’s Not All About Communication

 If couples were paying any attention during the past few decades, they should be able to recite the one critical ingredient for a healthy relationship — communication. But the latest study shows that other skills may be almost as important for keeping couples happy.

While expressing your needs and feelings in a positive way to your significant other is a good foundation for resolving conflicts and building a healthy relationship, these skills may not be as strong a predictor of couples’ happiness as experts once thought.

In an Internet-based study involving 2,201 participants referred by couples counselors, scientists decided to test, head to head, seven “relationship competencies” that previous researchers and marital therapists found to be important in promoting happiness in romantic relationships. The idea was to rank the skills in order of importance to start building data on which aspects of relationships are most important to keeping them healthy. In addition to communication and conflict resolution, the researchers tested for sex or romance, stress management, life skills, knowledge of partners and self-management to see which ones were the best predictors of relationship satisfaction. Couples were asked questions that tested their competency in all of these areas and then queried about how satisfied they were with their relationships. The researchers correlated each partner’s strengths and weaknesses in each area with the person’ relationship satisfaction.

Not surprisingly, those who reported communicating more effectively showed the highest satisfaction with their relationships. But the next two factors — which were also the only other ones with strong links to couple happiness — were knowledge of partner (which included everything from knowing their pizza-topping preferences to their hopes and dreams) and life skills (being able to hold a job, manage money, etc.).

Couples counselors, however, rarely address these two areas, as the focus on strengthening relationships has been on improving communication to reduce destructive behavior and to build support and comfort for each other. “For the last 25 years,” says Tom Bradbury, a veteran couples researcher at the University of California, Los Angeles, “the prevailing attitude has been that relationships need to meet our emotional needs.” To be successful, however, he’s also found that relationships need to function in more practical, and perhaps mundane ways as well.

And learning more about your partner, says the study’s lead author Robert Epstein, a professor of psychology at the University of the South Pacific, in Fiji, could be relatively easy if people (men especially, since they scored worse in this area) took the trouble to find out, remember and put to use such relatively simple information as the names of their partner’s relatives and the dates of birthdays and anniversaries. Even more important, Epstein says, is knowing such critical things as whether your partner wants children. While his study did not separate trivial from such profound knowledge, he says that the two are strongly linked.

While other marriage researchers agree that forgetting things like birthdays or food preferences can be annoying and detrimental to a relationship, they believe the importance of life skills that was revealed in the study is telling.

“It’s an old idea, really,” says Bradbury. “In 1900 a woman or man would think, ‘My partner must be able to provide for me.’ ‘She must be able to help me plant and dig up the crops.’” If the couple had this foundation, they’d consider themselves lucky if they also got their emotional needs met. In Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage, historian Stephanie Coontz traces the gradual erosion of this old idea of marriage back about 200 years in Western society as cultural expectations about marriage changed from one rooted in kinship, property and utility to one in which people were expected to get nearly all of their emotional needs met by one person.

For today’s couples interested in improving their relationships, say the study’s authors, therapists might consider going back to the basics and incorporating more practical social skills into their discussions. And that may include referring those who lack these skills to money managers or career coaches. “Communication skills are necessary,” says Lisa Neff, couples researcher at the University of Texas at Austin, “but they’re not sufficient when couples are under stress.”

It’s important for couples to know how the outside world — whether they can get a job, whether their kids can play outside safely or go to a good school — will affect their relationship even if they have good life skills and good communication skills. Strong relationships, says Bradbury, recognizes how pressures outside of home and the relationship can influence, and even break down good communication skills.

“Outside,” Bradbury says, “there is a real world that impinges on us.” To deal with it takes not only communication, but also an understanding that even the strongest communication networks among partners can falter and when they’re under these intense external pressure. The strategy he suggests for couples he counsels is to join forces rather than turn away from each other. “It’s not you against each other; it’s you against the world,” he says.

6 Breathing Exercises to Relax in 10 Minutes or Less

Overworked, underslept and feeling the pressure? There are plenty of ways to find calm, without investing in a four-hand spa massage. All you need is a pair of lungs, your breath and 10 minutes or less.

                              

Don’t wait until fight or flight kicks in before minding your breath. Controlled breathing not only keeps the mind and body functioning at their best, it can also lower blood pressure, promote feelings of calm andrelaxation and help us de-stress.

While the effects of breathing techniques on anxiety haven’t yet been studied at length (at least not in a controlled clinical setting), many experts encourage using the breath as a means of increasing awareness,mindfulness or, for the yogis among us, finding that elusive state of Zen. To get to the bottom of the breath work, Greatist spoke to breathing expert Dr. Alison McConnell, yoga instructor Rebecca Pacheco and psychologist Dr. Ellen Langer. But follow closely: breathing easy isn’t quite as easy as it sounds.

From the confines of a bed, a desk or anyplace where negativity finds its way, consider these six breathing techniques to help keep calm and carry on.

1. Sama Vritti or “Equal Breathing”
How it’s done: Balance can do a body good, beginning with the breath. To start, inhale for a count of four, then exhale for a count of four — all through the nose, which adds a natural resistance to the breath. Got the basicpranayama down? More advanced yogis can aim for six to eight counts per breath with the same goal in mind: calm the nervous system, increase focus and reduce stress, Pacheco says.

When it works best: Anytime, anyplace — but this is one technique that’s especially effective before bed. “Similar to counting sheep,” Pacheco says, “if you’re having trouble falling asleep, this breath can help take your mind off the racing thoughts, or whatever might be distracting you from sleep.”

Level of difficulty: Beginner
2. Abdominal Breathing Technique
How it’s done: With one hand on the chest and the other on the belly, take a deep breath in through the nose, ensuring the diaphragm (not the chest) inflates with enough air to create a stretch in the lungs. The goal: Six to 10 deep, slow breaths per minute for 10 minutes each day to experience immediate reductions to heart rate and blood pressure, McConnell says. Keep at it for six to eight weeks, and those benefits might stick around even longer.

When it works best: Before an exam, or any stressful event. But keep in mind, “Those who operate in a stressed state all the time might be a little shocked how hard it is to control the breath,” Pacheco says. To help train the breath, consider biofeedback tools such as McConnell’s Breathe Strong app, which can help users pace their breathing wherever they are.

Level of difficulty: Beginner
3. Nadi Shodhana or “Alternate Nostril Breathing”
How it’s done: A yogi’s best friend, this breath is said to bring calm and balance, and unite the right and left sides of the brain. Starting in a comfortable meditative pose, hold the right thumb over the right nostril and inhale deeply through the left nostril. At the peak of inhalation, close off the left nostril with the ring finger, then exhale through the right nostril. Continue the pattern, inhaling through the right nostril, closing it off with the right thumb and exhaling through the left nostril.

When it works best: Crunch time, or whenever it’s time to focus or energize. Just don’t try this one before bed: Nadi shodhana is said to “clear the channels” and make people feel more awake. “It’s almost like a cup of coffee,” Pacheco says.

Level of difficulty: Intermediate
4. Kapalabhati or “Skull Shining Breath”
How it’s done: Ready to brighten up your day from the inside out? This one begins with a long, slow inhale, followed by a quick, powerful exhale generated from the lower belly. Once comfortable with the contraction, up the pace to one inhale-exhale (all through the nose) every one to two seconds, for a total of 10 breaths.

When it works best: When it’s time to wake up, warm up or start looking on the brighter side of things. “It’s pretty abdominal-intensive,” Pacheco says, “but it will warm up the body, shake off stale energy and wake up the brain.” If alternate nostril breathing is like coffee, consider this a shot of espresso, she says.

Level of difficulty: Advanced
5. Progressive Relaxation
How it’s done: To nix tension from head to toe, close the eyes and focus on tensing and relaxing each muscle group for two to three seconds each. Start with the feet and toes, then move up to the knees, thighs, rear, chest, arms, hands, neck, jaw and eyes — all while maintaining deep, slow breaths. Having trouble staying on track? Anxiety and panic specialist Dr. Patricia Farrell suggests we breathe in through the nose, hold for a count of fivewhile the muscles tense, then breathe out through the mouth on release.

When it works best: At home, at a desk or even on the road. One word of caution: Dizziness is never the goal. If holding the breath ever feels uncomfortable, tone it down to just a few seconds at most.

Level of difficulty: Beginner

6. Guided Visualization
How it’s done: Head straight for that “happy place,” no questions asked. With a coach, therapist or helpful recording as your guide, breathe deeply while focusing on pleasant, positive images to replace any negative thoughts. Psychologist Dr. Ellen Langer explains that while it’s just one means of achieving mindfulness, “Guided visualization helps puts you in the place you want to be, rather than letting your mind go to the internal dialogue that is stressful.”

When it works best: Pretty much anyplace you can safely close your eyes and let go (e.g. not at the wheel of a car).

Level of difficulty: Intermediate

While stress, frustration, and other daily setbacks will always be there, the good news is, so will our breath.

This article has been read and approved by Greatist Experts Dr. Ellen Langer and Rebecca Pacheco.

sourced from; healthland.time.com

What I Learned When I Called Off My Engagement

My life with David* was a surprise. I had returned from a six-month stint in Osaka, Japan, to my small-town family home just out of Sydney, Australia. All my energy was focused on how I would get back to Japan — my life was there; all I had to do was graduate. When David offered to buy me a drink one night, I told him “My conversation is free — I’ll buy my own drinks.” He liked that. Independence had always been my jam, even in relationships.

I quietly shelved my dreams of returning to Osaka for the white picket fence. All this time I was waiting, hinting, wondering when he would pop the question.We started dating and I went from playing it cool to love sick in four days flat. Wanting to hear from him all the time, to know he was interested, that I was valued. From someone who didn’t care about marriage to thinking constantly about my imaginary future children and what I would cook for my man that night.

We were in my late grandfathers’ home one night when David told me to close my eyes and he led me to the lounge. I could see the warmth of candles glowing behind my shut eyelids and all of a sudden, I was filled with a mix of “YES! It’s happening!” and a gut feeling that said “I don’t want this.”

Opening my eyes to the man I loved on one knee, ring in hand, I knew that the only answer was “yes.” I couldn’t afford to lose my dream life with my dream man, but I was utterly bewildered by this nagging feeling and worse, it wouldn’t go away.

Let’s just say that if you have major doubts about being engaged, you probably shouldn’t be. I’m not talking about your standard nervousness; I mean debilitating, undermining doubt.

My ideas about marriage made me beyond uncomfortable. I was outright scared. From the price-per-head to musing over what makes a “good wife,” I was afraid. Without ever planning to, I set about sabotaging the whole thing, the very thing I had wanted…and one day, didn’t want any more.

I realized that my whole world was based on him. I had put aside my plans for myself to force myself into an identity I didn’t fit, all in the hope of impressing him enough to stay. Sure, he stayed, but I was directionless and depressed, jumping from one shaky job to another and running myself into the ground trying to make a meaningful life. He wanted a support person, I wanted to blaze trails. I didn’t know how to reconcile my values with who I had become. Slowly, I began to resent him for it.

One day, David told me “This should be enough for you.” It wasn’t, and I utterly despised the arrogance that dripped from that comment — that a good man should be enough for a woman.

The last straw came when I asked him to visit Osaka for a week with me. I was meeting up with my best girl. She lived halfway across the world from me, and she needed to get out of Missouri after a string of bad luck. My soul was exhausted, and this girl was my conduit to the me I had lost. At that moment, nothing was more important to me. He wouldn’t come, but he was vicious when I suggested I go alone. My blood boiled. I went anyway.

I called off the engagement before the relationship ended. I took my fears to mean that it wasn’t the right time yet. He put on a brave face and said that was okay. But, dear reader, pro tip: If you end your engagement, you will hurt the other person. Even if you love them. Even if you still think you’ll marry them one day. While you’re saying “I’m not ready for this,” they may hear “I’m not ready for you,” and, wait for it, they may leave.


I spent a long time trying to reconcile my thirst for freedom and adventure with the image of domesticity that marriage presented me. I began to seriously wish I was “free.”

Then it ended, he moved out, and I was. I didn’t know what to do with all that space. I was lonely and doubly afraid. That’s what happens when you wrap your self-worth up in someone else and then they’re not there. I knew I had to set about recovering, so here’s what I did.
I cried. I cried at home. I cried at work. I cried on the treadmill.I had so many feelings.
I banned love songs and negative self-talk. I was so frequently bubbling with rejection and rage and unspoken hurt, I didn’t need to wield those two oh-so popular weapons.
I lived day to day. I couldn’t cope with this “no plans” business without someone to fill the space (he was my plan), so I just disengaged and took each day as it came. Until I saw cheap flights and then I made plans…
…and caught planes. Lots of them. It was lonely and beautiful and I could then cry in planes, too.
I rebounded. The first post-breakup kiss made my stomach flip. I thought I was going to be sick. Next tip: If your body says it’s wrong, listen up!
I travelled more. I walked more. I cried less.
I made new friendships and re-learned that I wasn’t totally wretched and unlovable. I was just hurt.

There were setbacks — phone calls that I sincerely regret making — made in part to get him back, in part to punish him for leaving me. If he was going to break my heart I wasn’t going to make it comfortable for him. Still, I wouldn’t hear other people speak badly of him and publicly I kept a straight face, the whole while trying to grasp onto some idea of what on earth I had done. Last tip: Don’t make that call, you’ll regret it. Even if you think they deserve it, it’s self-deprecating and will do nothing good for your morale.

My recovery meant a million references to the “stages of grieving” and I realized that they really don’t work in a linear way. You’ll think you’re all healed up and then you’re a total mess again. Grief and rejection are vicious jerks and they will wear you out. And occasionally they are more powerful than memory, fact and rationality.

“One day it will be okay” was my mantra. And one day it was okay.

The biggest thing I learned in this roller coaster is the value of listening to myself, knowing what is right for me and the importance of having the courage to act on that intuition. To grow my personal capital before I bank on someone else. And to honour that voice that says “Something’s wrong.” It’s better to listen up than to find yourself Googling “trapped and unhappy” in ten years.

It was close… and weddings still make me that little bit uncomfortable.

____

*Not actually called David, obviously.

sourced from: the times magazine

14 Signs You’re in a Healthy Relationship

No, you don't necessarily need to have everything in common

Nick Hornby once said, “It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party.”

I’m not a therapist or relationship expert, but after nearly a decade of marriage, I’m not convinced that your taste in movies or music determines if you and your significant other are destined for happily-ever-after or a bad break-up. My marriage isn’t perfect, but it’s satisfying and happy and it’s taught me a few things about what keeps long-term partnerships working. Thankfully, those things have nothing to do with musical preferences or I would have taken my country albums and left my Beatles-loving husband long ago. Instead, we’ve figured out how to compromise on music, and other things, and settle in for the long haul.

                     


Here are a few of those things that I’ve learned do seem to say something about the strength of your union:

You Speak Your Mind

Relationships thrive when couples can express themselves freely and honestly. That means no topic is off-limits, and you both feel heard. Consistent communication is vital to building a lasting life together.

You Have Your Own Space

Just because you’re in love doesn’t mean you have to spend every moment together. Taking time to pursue your own interests and friendships keeps your relationship fresh and gives you both the opportunity to grow as individuals—even while you’re growing as a couple.

You Fight

Disagreements are normal, so if you aren’t fighting, chances are you’re holding back. But when people in healthy relationships fight, they fight productively and fairly. That means avoiding name-calling or put-downs. It also means striving to understand your partner instead of trying to score points. And when you’re wrong? You apologize.

You Like Yourself And Your Partner

Chances are your relationship won’t suddenly get better if you win the lottery, have a baby, or move into your dream house. So don’t base your partnership on the hope that it will change. You recognize that neither of you is perfect, and you accept and value each other for who you are right now—not who you might become.

You Make Decisions Jointly

You don’t call all the shots. Neither does your partner. From what movie to see to how many children to have, you make decisions together and listen to each other’s concerns and desires. Sure, this may mean you see Transformers on Saturday night. But on Sunday night, it’s your turn.

You Find Joy

Healthy relationships are full of laughter and fun. This doesn’t mean you’re giddy every hour of the day—or that she doesn’t drive you up the wall sometimes—but it does mean that your life together is mostly happy in sometimes simple ways. (Making dinner, laughing at the same things, finishing each others’ sentences…)

You Find Balance

Sometimes your partner needs to work longer hours while you play chauffeur and chief cook. Or you must devote time to an elderly parent while your spouse tackles the chores. That’s life. What matters is that, in the long run, your trade-offs seem fair.

You Treat Each Other With Kindness

Nothing is more important than treating the person you love with care, consideration, empathy, and appreciation. If you find yourself showing more respect to people you hardly know than you show your partner, take a step back and revisit your priorities.

You Trust Each Other

Healthy relationships are built on trust and a commitment to communication without reservations or secrets.

You Let Things Go

Your partner will annoy you. You will annoy him or her, too. You will say things you don’t mean. You will behave inconsiderately. The important thing is how you deal with all this. So he forgot to pick up milk for the second time? Tell him you’re disappointed, of course—then let it go.

You Are Intimate

Sex is an important part of healthy relationships, but it’s only one part, and it’s different than intimacy, which is less about physical satisfaction than about bonding, friendship, and familiarity. If you’re in a healthy relationship, you’ll feel connected—in and out of bed.

Your Relationship Is Your Safe Place

Your relationship should be a safety net—a stable place to come home to at the end of the day. That doesn’t mean you don’t fight—it just means that when things are hard, you’d rather see your partner than commiserate with coworkers at Happy Hour.

You Talk To Your Partner, Not To Other People

When you have issues and concerns, you share them with your partner, not your Facebook friends. You can use pals as a sounding board, of course, but not as a crutch to avoid hard conversations with your significant other.

You Say The Magic Words

“I love you”, “Thank you,” and “I’m sorry.”

sourced from: the times magazine

How to Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work

Photo: Focus Features

Long-distance relationships. Many have tried them; few have succeeded in making them work. But that doesn’t mean they’re not worth the effort. When two people want to be with each other, they will do what they need to do to be together.

“Couples don’t need to wait to be in the same place in order to embark on a relationship,” says psychotherapist Dr. Robi Ludwig. “Start where you are and see where things go.”

But first, just like in any relationship, both people need to desire being together, and they need to be flexible. Not only that, but each person must be strongly individuated, says sex therapist Dr. Ian Kerner. “Strong couples are made up of strong individuals, which is particularly true in long-distance relationships.

“The key is to create a secure relationship in an insecure context,” he adds.

Since you won’t really know what your significant other is doing day in and day out, the experts agree that trust is another important component in making a long-distance relationship work.

That said, it’s important for both people to have a high degree of self-control and discipline, says Kerner.

Even still, long-distance relationships can be emotionally taxing and wear on one’s psyche, as it isn’t easy to overcome missing the other person. Often, feelings of loneliness and abandonment can occur, which is why it’s important to be consistent with communication and visitation.

“It’s critical to schedule time each day to talk: “Skype, FaceTime and yes, have phone sex, with your significant other,” suggests author and dating coach Maya Ezratti. Also, stick with the two-week rule: “Don’t go more than two weeks without seeing each other,” she adds. “[And] when you are together, make sure you’ve carved out enough alone time.”

While these relationships have their risks, they also have their rewards. “They can be fun and exciting because the honeymoon phase lasts much longer,” says Ludwig.”It’s not such a bad thing to miss your partner, either. Having your own interesting and separate life is a good thing. Use those connections with friends and family to help support you when you’re longing for your love.””

For some, the idea of having more space and “me time” is appealing. Then, when your partner is in town, you can maximize your time together and continue to get to know one another. This time together is often usually heightened, with lots of highs and sometimes lows, says Kerner, so you may only see that person in their best (or worst) light. That’s why it’s extra important to be involved in each other’s lives as much as possible, no matter how far apart you are.

“You really don’t know what the person is like to live with on a regular basis, so it’s easy to fill in the blanks of the relationship with a fantasy of who the other person is, verses the reality of who they really are,” says Ludwig.

To stay connected, Ezratti suggests sending pictures, sharing schedules, and talking to each other about who you’re hanging out with. “Any relationship can work out if the love is there,” she says. “Logistically, it’s more difficult, but it doesn’t mean it’s impossible.”

So it doesn’t matter if he’s in Beijing and you’re in New York City. Assess how much this person really means to you when apart. If this relationship is meant to be, it will be.

This article originally appeared on Fox News Magazine

sourced from:stylecaster.com

5 Quick Tricks To Look (and Feel) Better Instantly

                                                                        Photo: Wenn

Have you ever had a day where nothing seems to be going right? You can’t find the right outfit, perhaps you’re feeling bloated, your hair is frizzy, and you just can seem to get your eyeliner wings even?

The thing with feeling confident in the way that you look, is that it is very fickle: One day you might feel like a million bucks and the next you want to hide under a rock. Unfortunately it takes very little to knock your confidence off its game: an off comment from a friend, a wardrobe mishap, or smudged lipstick can all do the trick.
MORE: Women Lose Self-Confidence During College: Study

However, the reverse is also true, and it can actually take very little to re-boot your confidence. A quick fix here or there can take your confidence from a measly four to a solid nine. The next time you are at bar or party and need an extra kick to go talk to that hot guy at the end of the bar, try these tips. If you’re nervous before an interview, try these tips. If you are just having an off-day in general, try these tips. Trust us, a little confidence boost, never hurts.

1. Carry a perfume roller with you in your purse.

You love your favorite perfume for a reason. There is something about a fresh spritz of perfume that can instantly make you feel confident. You are more inclined to get close to someone or talk to someone new when you are exuding the confidence of Chanel Chance or Viktor & Rolf Flowerbomb.

Most perfumes come in small sizes that are perfect for your purse, backpack, or clutch. The next time you go out, make sure to have your roller with you to touch up your perfume whenever you feel it necessary. Warning: don’t over do it! Trust us, perfume application can get addicting.

2. Keep and extra toothbrush around.

One major thing that people get self-conscious about—their breath. The most efficient remedy for bad breath is brushing your teeth. Keep a travel sized tooth-brush and toothpaste at your desk at work or stashed in your purse for emergency situations. There is nothing worse than the fear (or knowledge) of having bad breath. We can almost guarantee that your confidence will be much higher when your mouth feels minty fresh and your teeth feel sparkly white. If you are really in a pinch, make sure to have mints or gum with you as an alternative.
MORE: 40 First Date Questions That Always Work

3. Concealer is your friend.

Nothing bruises your confidence more than feeling a zit coming on. It can preoccupy your mind for hours as you wonder if anyone else has noticed your newly emerging pimple. Confidence down the tubes. Although we wish we had a cure that would instantly make your skin porcelain, sometimes you’ve just got to work with what you’ve got. But, we do have a tip for you—don’t be afraid of concealer, and keep a small container of it in your bag for moments of skin weakness.

The real issue with pimples is that we often think they are worse in our heads than they really are on our faces. If you can sneak to the bathroom, assess the damage, and play a quick game of cover-up, you won’t obsess over your skin all day and your confidence won’t suffer.

4. Always have a hair tie on hand.

There is nothing worse than wanting to put your hair up and having nothing to tie it back with. If you are having a bad hair day or get caught in the rain, not being able to manage the sitch with a hair tie can be a serious buzz kill. Wear them on your wrist, keep a pack at your desk, throw them in your purse, do what you need to do! Just don’t get caught without a hair tie, because when you need it, you really need it. Not only can pulling your hair back in a pony or up into a bun mend a hair emergency, but they can help you out when you’re hot, flustered, or in a rush and don’t want to be bothered by your mane.
MORE: How to Win Any Argument in 7 Easy Steps

5. Remember that mirrors lie.

Catching your reflection in the mirror and not seeing what you want to can be the ultimate confidence-killer. But, you have to keep in mind, that sometimes mirrors aren’t that accurate. Certain mirrors can make you look wider, taller, shorter, skinnier, and just about everything in between. When it comes to your face, lighting also plays a key role in the way you see your skin, and sometimes not for the better. If there is one mirror you always pass at your house or at work that just makes you look seriously bleh, chances are it’s either poorly lit or tilted at an unfriendly angle, which can warp your body.

If you really aren’t happy with your reflection and are feeling super self-conscious, find another mirror. Chances are, what you see there will be very different from what you saw originally.



sourced from: stylecaster.com

Can a Big Age Gap Cause Your Relationship to Fail?

                                                                                    Photo: Wenn

They say age is just a number when it comes to love, and it’s more evident today that people don’t focus on age gaps in relationships as much as they used to. Even those negative stigmas associated with an older man dating a younger girl, or an older woman and a younger man, have dissipated.

It really boils down to compatibility, lifestyle, goals, vitality, and interests.

Barbie Adler, a professional matchmaker and founder of Selective Search, says it’s not so much about the age as it is about the maturity level. In fact, Adler says, “both [our] male and female clients typically seek matches within a 10–15 year age range of themselves.”

But can a relationship where two people are 10 or 15 (or more) years apart really work out in the long-term, once the novelty has worn off? It’s not likely, according to a study out of Emory University that finds the larger the age gap, the more likely a marriage will end in divorce.

“You really have to be crystal clear about your hopes, dreams, and desires from the start,” says marriage and family therapist Dr. Sheri Meyers. “A big issue for couples with a big age gap is mismatched life experiences and goals around marriage, children, lifestyle and freedom.”

For example, the younger woman in the relationship may desire children in the future. But if the significantly older man has “been there, done that,” he may not be interested in having more kids.

There’s also the issuing of aging. “What’s going to happen in 15 or 20 years?” asks Meyers. “The bigger the age gap, the more you need to consider what natural aging brings. You may be at the height of your career, while your partner is nearing retirement.”

Aside from dealing with personal issues within the relationship, couples with notable age differences also have to face the challenges of introducing their partner to friends, family and social circles.
“Friends and family may not take your relationship seriously, or even express that the relationship is just a passing folly,” says Adler. Furthermore, a May-December couple may be mistaken for parent and child, or onlookers might think the younger half of the pair is only looking for some type of financial gain.

It goes without saying that all relationships face challenges. But while the Emory study shows that people are better off dating within their age group, it’s more important to be with someone you mesh well with, the experts say.

“When you’re living the life you love, you want someone who can contribute to the relationship in a way that encourages support and growth,” says Adler. “This stems from maturity, not age.”

This article originally appeared on Fox News Magazine.



sourced from: stylecaster

Dating Tips for Introverted Women: 6 Ways to Get Past Your Shyness

Not all women are born social butterflies with the guts to walk up to a man and start a conversation. Some of us prefer to keep to ourselves, and although there are positive qualities found in both introverted and extroverted personalities, when it comes to dating, the shy girls tend to get the shorter end of the stick.Men may misread an introverted woman, classifying her as stuck up or full of herself, or they may even mistake her shyness for lack of interest, while more talkative ladies who are friendly and outgoing are seen as flirty and confident. We know, it hardly seems fair.

In hopes of leveling the playing field of the dating game, we have put together a little guide to assist the underdog. Here are six tips to help out the shy girls in the romance department:

1. Give Off the Right Signals
When you’re out with the girls and trying to attract a male suitor, make yourself approachable. This means altering your body language to give off the right vibe. Crossing your arms or constantly checking your BlackBerry comesoff as bored and unsatisfied, when in reality you may just be a bit chilly or waiting for an important message. Sit up straight, survey those around you, and don’t appear so closed off to the rest of the room — this will make it more clear that you are open and available for conversation.

2. Identify Possible Conversation Topics
Although introverted women are perfectly capable of having a conversation, sometimes nerves can cause your mind to blank out. Always have a go-to topic to resort to when you can’t think of what to say. Preventing awkward pauses will help you to avoid looking insecure and incapable of socializing.

3. Surround Yourself in a Familiar Environment
If you have trouble opening up in an unfamiliar environment, then find some place where you are able to be yourself. When you’re scouting future boyfriends or even on a first date, pick a place that will automatically put you at ease. Whether it’s your favorite Italian bistro or the local coffee shop you frequent, your environment has a bigger effect on your behavior than you’d think.

4. Use Your Timid Nature to Your Advantage
Shyness doesn’t have to be a character flaw. Your reserved demeanor may actually come off as mysterious and sexy. While you don’t want to keep him completely in the dark, keeping him guessing just enough will lure him in.

5. Show Him You’re Interested
Although Hitch was a fictional character, he was a dating guru nonetheless. Hitch believed that the man should do 90 percent of the work and leave the remaining 10 percent to the woman. Being shy doesn’t exempt you from this rule, so make sure you are contributing to the final 100.

6. Be Honest
Honesty is the best policy after all, so there is no need to pretend to be something you’re not. If you find yourself starting up a new relationship, just be frank with your man. Let it be known that you are a bit shy so he doesn’t mistake your introverted nature as disinterest. Just make sure to explain with confidence so that you don’t frame it as a flaw — you are who you are, and you should be proud of that.



sourced from: stylecaster.com

Introducing

you can now visit this blog for the latest dating tips and advice.............Ocray beauty.... ''committed to making life more easier''

Not All Women Are Crazy and Not All Men are Dicks

Dating expert, Lodro Rinzler, explains how some words are simply not okay, no matter how horrible your ex may be.

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Recently an article was published in The Washington Post noting that men really need to stop calling women "crazy." In the same vein as "bossy" or "slutty" this adjective is predominantly applied to women in a way that is meant to demean or undermine who they are. Typically when a man is going through a traumatic time, he's referred to as "going through something," or "acting a bit emotional," but usually never "crazy." This is one of two double-standard terms that I'd like us to end today.

The other is calling men "dicks." These two terms, "crazy" and "dick," often come up when there is a break-up afoot. Imagine your best friend parting ways with her long-term boyfriend. You're sitting there over drinks and she is complaining how things ended poorly. An easy go-to would be to say, "He sounds like a real dick. You deserve better," and move on. I've found that in talking with friends in this situation, some women tend to justify break-ups without obvious endings by the man being a dick in the same way that some men I know will blow off a break-up by saying the woman was simply crazy. Both are incredibly offensive.

First of all, just because a woman has different emotional needs than her partner does not mean she has a mental illness. It's disrespectful to say that a woman who may come off as clingy, or controlling, or just wants different forms of communication than you, is mentally ill. I have no idea how it came to be such common parlance but for any men reading, let's please cut that adjective out of our dating/break-up vocabulary.

On the flip side, I have no idea how it became okay to reduce men to a physical body part when they act like a jerk. A guy blows you off and pulls the slow fade? Wow! What a penis. See what I did there? Instead of calling a man a coward I said that he is simply nothing more than that one part of his physical anatomy. I mean, it's ridiculous that either of these terms are used so frequently. But seriously? A dick? That's almost as bad as a group of men sitting around a pub calling a woman the c-word.

But I offered the complaint so I'll also offer a potential solution. Without further ado, here are some ways we can describe that person who mistreated us:
Emotionally unavailable
Unkind
Distant
At a different point in their life than you are
Manipulative
A horrible communicator
Not ready to be in a serious relationship
Not the one for you

All of these terms of more descriptive than saying someone is "crazy" or a "dick." They actually describe one aspect of the problem at hand, and looking at that problem directly is going to help you long-term, as opposed to glossing over it with catchy derogative phrases. Plus, the writer in me feels like we are butchering the English language when we reduce our complicated emotional framework to words like "crazy" and "dick." Let's expand our vocabulary, treat the gender we prefer with some kindness, and be a bit clearer when we explain how our exes are just motherf*ckers.

sourced from: marieclaire.com

Easy Homemade Skin Care Tips and Save Money on Cosmetics

If no matter how hard you try, you always end up spending excessively on your beauty care regimen and regretting it moments after its effect stars fading away, continue reading! Did you know that there are so many amazing skin care tips and tips that can help you save on skincare? Yes, good skin care need not be expensive! Find out how to save on spa treatments, waxing and skincare products with the following 5 skin care tips:

Natural skincare
You can find great cleansers and moisturizers at your local drugstore like Dabur Gulabari Moisturising Rose Lotion. Enriched with natural rose oil and other actives, this formula, gently works on your skin to give it a rose like glow. Giving the skin a soft and supple radiance that leaves it moisturised for a good 4-5 hours without leaving the skin greasy or sticky.

Skip the toner
If you have very oily skin, toners are the right thing for you. It is an extra step in your beauty routine and yes, an extra expense. But if you have dry skin, a toner will only add to the dryness. So don't let the salesperson at the mall tell you anything different. A toner is not a must for every skin type. An inexpensive alternative to toners is Dabur Gulabari Rose Water– use to make your skin softer and healthier.

Skip the pricey eye creams
As expensive as they may be, most of them turn out to be a disappointment. Despite using several of these expensive crèmes, many women are not convinced that they work. So, if you are really trying to save money, you can skip the pricey eye creams and use a rich, heavy cream with shea butter, caffeine and antioxidants under the eyes. That being said, if you are over 35, eye creams are an essential.

Make your own masks and scrubs
Why spend a lot money on buying fancy masks and facial scrubs when you can make your own home-made face masks using ingredients found at home? Choose one that works with your skin type and try them out. These organic, natural masks and scrubs will leave your skin feeling fresh and healthy.

Do your own facials
While there's really nothing better than a spa facial, a great one can save you quite a bit. Instead of treating yourself at the spa, try your own at-home facials. They are relatively simple to do: place a warm towel on your face for 5 minutes, exfoliate with a fine facial scrub and finally, finish your facial off with a mask. Read this article for 5 simple facials you can try at home.

We’d love to know your inventive skin care tips and tricks to save money in the comments section!

sourced from; mybeautynaturally.com

Ocray's Weekend Tea: How to Apply Makeup for a Natural Look

                                         
Don’t look scary after applying your make-up. A fresh and natural face is always in style. Don’t over-paint( or don’t apply excessively) your face always,the ‘natural look’ style of applying make-up on your face will be perfect for you. With a little bit of time and practice,you’ll get the sweet natural look you’ll always admire.

Applying Makeup to Your Face:
Clean your face of any previous makeup. Put makeup remover or water on a cotton ball. Dab or rub the cotton ball in small circles to remove old makeup. Determine your skin type and cleanse, tone and moisturize with suitable products twice daily. If you have skin problems like spots or blackheads, exfoliate your skin.

For a more natural look, instead of using foundation, use a tinted moisturizer. Tinted moisturizers blend in while evening out your skin tone and commonly contain SPF(Sun Protection Factor). Apply concealer to any blemishes and around your eyes. Applying your concealer before foundation helps keep foundation to a minimal amount. Make sure this is the exact same color as your skin. When you apply the concealer, do so directly on the spot and not around it. This is to avoid a halo effect and emphasis of the spot. Be careful not to overdo it on the concealer; you only need enough to cover the spot.
Apply a powder foundation on the oilier parts of your face. Before you start, it’s best to determine whether or not you’re using the right foundation color. Get in a natural light and test the foundation to make sure it’s the right color for your skin. Dab a few marks on your cheek and angle your face different ways to see if the color matches. Take your finger or a sponge dab in the foundation, and dab it on your face, blending it until it looks like your skin tone.
Be sure to go underneath your jaw line; if you stop at the edge of your face, there will be a clear line where the foundation ends, making it look like you’re wearing a mask. If you have bags or discoloration under your eyes, make three dots on the line of the circles under your eyes. Blend it gently using your ring finger. Apply Bronzer, some people wait until after they have applied makeup to their eyes to add bronzer or blush. Bronzer is a great way to give yourself a natural glow. Lightly brush bronzer all over your face or just along your cheekbones and T-Zone for a natural suntan appearance. However, bronzer can look silly on people with pale skin if applied incorrectly.
Like I say “Practice makes Perfect”,practice at home with bronzer to see if it looks good on you before going out with it on. If you don’t like the way it looks, skip it. Apply Blush. If you were not happy with bronzer, you can apply blush instead. Creme blush generally works better than powder because it gives you a dewy look and lasts longer. Rub a little on your ring finger and blend onto your cheekbones. Note that you should not apply both blush and bronzer; choose one.
…And what next? You good to go girl! On that make-up but quite natural look.

Amazing! 7 Beauty Wonders of OatMeal

                                          

                                                           Photo: ivillage

Think i'm kidding? No I ain't so the next time you’re considering taking an oatmeal, please do consider the following too. It’s a meal plus beauty booster (for your skin and hair)

1. BLEMISH MASK: Mix 1/2 cup raw or instant oats with enough water to form a paste. Set aside for 5 minutes before stirring in 2 to 3 drops of tea tree oil. Apply to skin and relax for 5 to 10 minutes before rinsing with warm water. The concoction removes dead skin and fights the bacteria that cause breakouts.

2. DRY SHAMPOO: Use your blender, coffee grinder, or food processor to pulverize oatmeal. Mix the powder with an equal measure of baking soda. Massage onto the roots of your hair, then brush out.

3. FACIAL EXFOLIATOR: Its natural whole grains make oatmeal the ideal base ingredient for an at-home scrub. Grind 2 tablespoons oatmeal to a grainy consistency and add in 1 teaspoon baking soda. Store the mixture in an air-tight container. When ready to use, scoop a couple tablespoons into your hand and add very small amounts of water until spreadable. Gently scrub face using a circular motion for 60 seconds, then rinse.

4. BODY SCRUB: Combine 1/4 cup ground oatmeal, 1 tablespoon local honey and 2 tablespoons olive oil. Mix while drizzling in additional oil as needed to create a paste. Scrub the mixture immediately over arms and legs.

5. SKIN SOOTHER: For relief from sunburn, poison ivy, or even chicken pox, try an oatmeal poultice. Cook up some oats and then let them cool until tepid. Spread a layer on a damp cloth and lay it oatmeal-side-down over the affected area. Allow to sit for 10 minutes before rinsing off.

6. REJUVENATING FACE MASK: Mix 1 tablespoon of oatmeal with 3 tablespoons of warm, organic whole milk. When the oats expand a little, add a splash of carrot juice and a capsule of Vitamin A. Apply to skin and sit for 30 minutes.

7. BATH SOAK: Look for colloidal oatmeal at your food store/mall—it’s oatmeal that’s been ground into a very fine powder. This allows it to stay suspended in water, rather than sinking to the bottom of the tub. Sprinkle 1 cup of the stuff into the stream of running water. Step in and soak for 15 minutes.
The meal with a power of beauty!



Credits: iviillage.com

5 Natural Remedies to Common Beauty Problems

                                   

Are you battling with one beauty threat or the other? Don’t be too worried,everyone’s got one but you just have to take the right steps to make it(them) history in no time.
Dealing with a major forehead zit? Or cracked, dry skin? Before you run to the pharmacy for a solution, check your abode—you may already have everything you need for natural antidotes to these all-too-common conditions and others.

The problem: Acne

The natural solution: Use a mixture of three tablespoons aloe vera juice or gel and four drops tea tree oil to treat problem areas. (You can use this up to two times per day.) Aloe contains gibberellins and polysaccharides to thwart the bacteria known to cause acne, plus anti-inflammatory to soothe aggravated skin, heal scars, and stimulate new skin growth.

The problem: Dry skin

The natural solution: Mix the juice of one lemon with five tablespoons sugar and one tablespoon olive oil, then apply in the shower with a loofa or the palms of your hands before rinsing well. Lemon contains natural alpha-hydroxy fruit acids to loosen the “glue” that binds dead skin cells together, while sugar is a gentle exfoliator that cleans pores and increases cell turnover. Olive oil is rich in vitamin E to nourish and condition skin.


The problem: Dry cuticles

The natural solution: Add a few drops of coconut oil to a pea-sized dollop of your favorite hand cream, and rub generously into each of your cuticles. For enhanced benefits, wear plastic gloves for 10 minutes to let it sink in.

The problem: Ingrown hairs

The natural solution: Dissolve four aspirin tablets in 1/2 teaspoon warm water, and mix in one teaspoon honey to form a paste. Apply the concoction to the affected area, and let sit for 10 minutes before rinsing with lukewarm water. Aspirin contains salicylic acid, which is a potent exfoliator. Plus, it’s an anti-inflammatory, which reduces swelling. NOTE: If you have especially sensitive skin, steer clear of this treatment.

The problem: Stained teeth

The natural solution: Mix three teaspoons baking soda with one teaspoon water to form a paste. Scoop up a bit of the mixture with your toothbrush, and use to brush thoroughly. Repeat two to three times per week. Baking soda polishes teeth and removes stains, though it isn’t recommended for daily use because it can be too abrasive on tooth enamel.

Now see why you don’t need to run a relay to the pharmacy? It’s something you can handle, even more naturally. So do it right.

Photo Credit: Halloftheblackdragon

10 Natural Ways To Get A Smooth Skin

                                                

Be it male or female, no one likes rough, patchy or tired-looking skin. Many people suffer from various skin problems such as acne, pimples and dark spots. Also, with age people’s skin begins to develop open or enlarged pores making the skin look tired and old.
Although there are numerous skin care products on the market that promise to give you smooth and flawless skin, they can be expensive and some even have harsh ingredients that can damage your skin. Luckily, your skin can become smooth and clear with the help of some readily available natural ingredients.
Here are the top 10 ways to get smooth skin courtesy of Top10homeremedies.



1. Water

One of the most important things you can do for smooth and glowing skin is drink plenty of water. Your aim should be to drink 8 to 10 glasses of water a day. Water helps the body flush out toxins and waste. Avoid sugary drinks, alcohol and carbonated drinks. Also try to eat fruits and vegetables that are high in water content. Washing your face at least twice a day with water will also help improve your skin’s health and appearance.

2. Fenugreek

Fenugreek is known worldwide(it’s in Nigeria,check and buy on www.alibaba.com orwww.enownow.com) for its healing and anti-inflammatory properties.
You can make a paste by mixing a few teaspoons of boiled milk and fenugreek leaves. Apply the paste as a face mask on regular basis to delay fine lines and wrinkles.
To help heal pimples and clear away blackheads, boil one teaspoon of fenugreek seeds in a liter of water and apply it to the affected skin area. A face mask made of fenugreek leaves and turmeric is ideal for blackhead-prone skin.



3. Lemon Juice

Lemon juice can be used to cleanse your skin, lighten spots and scars, as well as soften and smooth it.
This citrus-rich fruit contains cleansing enzymes that remove dead skin cells and make your skin smoother and fresher. With its excellent astringent properties, lemon is a great natural cleanser for people who have oily skin.
To lighten dark spots and acne marks, you can use freshly squeezed lemon juice and apply it to your entire face and neck. Leave it on for 10 minutes and then wash the area with lukewarm water.
For soft, smooth skin, mix lemon juice and egg whites and heat the mixture on low flame for a few seconds. Allow it to cool and then apply it to your face. Leave it on for 10 minutes and then rinse with warm water.



4. Tea Tree Oil( Buy on www.jumia.com.ng)
Tea tree oil is an effective scar and stretch mark remover. Some people can be allergic to the oil, so it is highly recommended to try it first on your inner wrist area before applying it to your face.
To heal a pimple quickly, use a cotton swab to apply tea tree oil directly on the affected area every few hours. About one hour before going to bed, apply vitamin E oil and leave it on overnight.




5. Tomatoes

Fresh tomato is an excellent natural skin toner, and tomato paste can help treat pimples.
To make your skin soft and smooth, mash some fresh tomatoes in a blender or grinder. Apply the mashed tomato to your face. Leave it on for about five minutes and then wash it off with water. Daily use can help reduce the size of your pores and result in smoother, glowing skin.
You can also use tomato paste to heal pimples. Apply it to the affected area and leave it on for an hour, then wash with water.



6. Papaya

Papaya contains a natural enzyme known as papain that has antibacterial and wound-healing abilities. The enzyme also aids in removing dead, damaged skin.
To use papaya as a skin toner, mash a few pieces of ripe papaya and apply it as a facial mask. Keep it on for about 15 minutes and then wash it off with lukewarm water.
Regular application of papaya juice helps reduce freckles or brown spots due to sun exposure. For extra skin lightening effect, add a slice of lemon to the papaya juice.



7. Cucumber

Cucumber contains great hydrating, nourishing and astringent properties. They have the same pH as skin so they help restore the skin’s natural acid mantle, which protects it from bacteria and other contaminants.
Regular use of a cucumber face mask can prevent pimples, blackheads, wrinkles and dry skin. To make the face mask, mix some oats, cucumber and milk. Apply the mask to your face and neck area, leave it on for about 20 minutes and then rinse with warm water.
You can also use cucumber as a cleanser. Just mix cucumber juice with milk and use it instead of other cleansers.



8. Honey

Honey is another natural ingredient that you can use to get smooth skin.
Apply raw honey to your face and neck, leave it on for about 10 minutes and then wash it off with cold water. This simple remedy will make your skin soft and smooth.
Another option is to mix an egg white with honey and apply it to your face for 20 minutes. Wash it off with cold water and a delicate soap to remove the smell from the egg white.
You can also make a thick paste with honey and cinnamon powder. Apply it to your face and leave it on overnight. In the morning, wash it off with lukewarm water.



9. Mint Plant(Also basil but commonly called curry/scent leaf in Nigeria, efinrin in yoruba)
Mint can be used in a few different ways to improve the look of your skin. The mint plant contains menthol that gives it a cooling effect.
To get rid of pimples, apply fresh mint juice on your face every night.
For a soothing body pack, make a paste of mint leaves, lemon juice and warm water. Apply it all over your body. Allow it to dry on its own and then rinse it off with warm water.
Drinking lemonade with crushed mint leaves will cool your body and help clear your skin.



10. Turmeric(also called Ata Ile Pupa in yoruba)
Turmeric is an herb that can be used to treat a multitude of skin problems. It has antiseptic properties, and also can be used to lighten blemishes and pigmentation.
Mix turmeric powder with milk to make a paste. Apply it to your face and neck area daily for beautiful and flawless skin.
To treat dark circles under your eyes, make a paste of turmeric powder and pineapple juice.
To rejuvenate dry, parched skin, use a mixture of turmeric and sandalwood paste.
These easy and inexpensive home remedies can help you achieve smooth and flawless skin. With a little patience and a regular skin care regime, you’ll get the soft and supple skin you desire.

PERFECTLY SHAPED EYEBROWS WITHIN MINUTES

Getting a perfectly shaped eyebrow won't be something to worry about anymore after watching this lovely video i've prepared for you all....
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The 5 secrets to kissable lips inspired by history's most memorable kisses

We've gathered five fool-proof rules to getting your smoothest, softest and most kissable lips ever.

1. Exfoliate:

Everett Collection
Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh in "Gone with the Wind" in 1939.

Not only does exfoliating make your lips soft, it also preps them for lipstick (like the red lipstick many of us adorn on date night). Exfoliate your lips by either using a cleansing brush (like Clarisonic), a toothbrush, or a lip scrub, says celebrity makeup artist Ramy Gafni. Gafni suggests creating an at-home treatment by mixing a teaspoon of honey with a teaspoon of salt and a teaspoon of sugar and combining the ingredients into a paste. Apply the mixture to your lips and then rub vigorously with your finger or a toothbrush.

Pro tip: The act of brushing will automatically increase blood flow to your lips, but adding peppermint oil or cinnamon will help plump them even further.


2. Avoid licking lips:

Everett Collection
"Lady & The Tramp," 1955.

When our lips feel dry, a common reaction is to lick them. Turns out, that’s not the best way to go. Celebrity esthetician Renee Rouleau said, “When the lips are moist on the surface from your saliva, they attract moisture from deep within the skin and will evaporate into the dry air through osmosis." The best way to fix and heal dry, cracked lips is to use a conditioning lip balm and apply it throughout the day. “Even if you still feel the urge to lick your lips, the balm provides a barrier of protection to keep your natural moisture in the lips,” Rouleau said.

3. Block them:

20th Century Fox Licensing/Merch
Cary Elwes and Robin Wright in "The Princess Bride," 1987.

“It tastes a little funny, I’ll admit, but using a lip balm with broad-spectrum SPF will prevent your lips from getting dry and sunburned,” said makeup artist Liz Washer. And don't forget to wear sunscreen on your entire face to prevent tan lines and protect your skin!

4. Slick them:

Everett Collection
Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze in "Ghost," 1990.

Once you've removed your makeup at night and your skin is fresh and slightly damp after towel drying, apply a rich, nighttime moisturizer to your skin and an even richer balm on your lips, says Washer. This is especially key if your bedroom is air-conditioned and/or dehumidified (if you're traveling, ask the front desk for a humidifier — most hotels have them if you ask!). Internal hydration is also very important for your skin, so be sure to drink lots of water!

5. Stay neutral:

Everett Collection
Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio in "Titanic," 1997.

We always think of bright red lips for Valentine’s Day, but that’s not the only option. Apply a creamy nude or pink shade, blot, then reapply for long-lasting color that won't make a mess. “Avoid deep shades, especially in glossy formulas. They are too messy and don't look kissable," said makeup artist Jennifer Trotter of Lip Service Makeup. "Also, avoid matte lip color and long-wearing formulations — both dry out your lips and don't provide that lush look that is just right for your hot Valentine's date.”

Exfoliation the 'little black dress' of skin care: How to do it right

Walking down the skin care aisle of the drug store can be overwhelming. With new pricey creams and serums popping up every day touting the benefits of peptides and sophisticated antioxidants, it can be hard to know what to choose.

There’s one classic skin care remedy that can do wonders for skin and is often overlooked—exfoliation, according to dermatologist Dr. Mary P. Lupo, Clinical Professor of Dermatology at Tulane University School of Medicine. As Lupo puts it, “It’s the dermatologist’s equivalent to the basic black dress.”

Exfoliation works by removing the outermost layer of dead skin cells. Not only does this immediately leave your skin looking brighter and healthier, but according to Lupo, it also helps “improve the penetration of topical active ingredients.” That means it makes all those fancy face creams more effective by allowing them to penetrate deeper into the skin’s surface.

Shutterstock

There are three big categories of exfoliators, all of which you can get at your local pharmacy.
Chemical peels, mostly in the form of acids like glycolic and salicylic acid, tend to be the strongest and work by encouraging the superficial layer of skin to blister and peel off.
Enzymatic peels, like bromelain extract from pineapples, contain natural compounds that dissolve proteins and gently encourage an acceleration of the skins natural exfoliation process.
And finally mechanical exfoliation—in the form of facial brushes or scrubs—uses friction to slough off dead skin cells.


While exfoliation can smooth and brighten skin, not every type is right for everyone. In certain cases, it can do more harm than good.

At the Annual American Academy of Dermatology Meeting in San Francisco, Friday, Lupo discussed the benefits — and potential dangers — of exfoliating with dermatologists. She shared her expert tips with TODAY.

Consider your skin type

How you exfoliate depends on your skin type, says Lupo:
Normal — if your skin is not to oily or not too dry, you can probably handle a stronger chemical peel, such as glycolic acid.
Dry — if you have dry skin, but not super sensitive, lactic acid is a great choice, because it’s more hydrating than glycolic acid.
Oily, acne prone — salicylic acid is a great option here. It’s lipophilic, meaning it can break through that oil barrier. As an added bonus, it’s related to aspirin, so it has anti-inflammatory properties that can help calm acne-prone skin.

Black heads — this is where mechanical exfoliants, like face scrubs and skin brushes, work best to help open pores.

Sensitive — if you are prone to broken capillaries or rosacea, it’s probably a sign you have thin, delicate skin. Avoid strong peels or scrubs and opt for something gentler like an enzymatic peel. Look for ingredients like bromelain, papain or ficain.


Get the timing right

How often you can exfoliate depends on both on your skin type and the strength of your treatment method. Those with oily, hearty skin can probably get away with daily exfoliation, while sensitive skins types should stick to no more than a few times per week.

How do you know if you’ve overdone it?

If your skin turns very red or starts to discolor, you may want to tone it down. Those with dark skin may notice darker spots after exfoliating — this is known at postinflammatory hyperpigmentation and is a sign that your skin may not be up for such aggressive treatments.

Finish strong

The best time to use any skin product, especially moisturizers, is right after exfoliating, because “your skin just sucks it in,” says Lupo. She recommends looking for ingredients like glycerin or hyaluronic acids.

“Sun protection is mandatory for all patients, but especially when you exfoliate,” says Lupo, because you’re removing a protective layer. So opt for moisturizers that contain SPF 30 or greater, based on recommendations from the American Academy of Dermatology.

When in doubt, ask an expert

Exfoliating isn’t for everyone. Certain skin conditions—like inflammatory acne, cold sores, or warts—can actually be made worse by exfoliating. If you have any redness, rash or irritation on your face, Lupo recommends checking in with a dermatologist first to see whether your skin is safe for scrubbing.

Size-22 model: Why I love my body and want other women to love theirs

Tess Holliday made history as the largest plus-size model to be signed with a major agency. As the founder of #effyourbeautystandards, the model and activist hopes to give other women the same confidence she has found after years of struggling and intense bullying.

My life has turned upside-down since January when I became the largest professional model ever signed with a contract with MILK Management of London. My social media accounts blew up. I was — and still am — overwhelmed with requests for interviews, appearances and keynote speeches. Letters and emails from around the world keep pouring in. Many cheer me on, many ask for advice and many share very personal experiences that make me cry.

Courtesy of Tess Holliday

All of this attention makes me realize how many people have been waiting for someone like me to say it’s OK to love yourself, no matter your size or shape. My story proves that you can achieve your dreams, you can be happy and you are beautiful.

I have been a curvy girl my whole life. When I was 10, my mother and I were forced to move back to her family in Mississippi because of her violent boyfriend. I was bullied in school almost from the day we moved there. Not only because of my size, but because we lived in a trailer behind my grandparent’s house. I was pushed into my locker and called all sorts of names. I was smart, but it was tough to do well in school when I was frightened all the time. My mom complained, but nothing changed. When I started receiving death threats, my mom pulled me out of school. I was 16 years old at the time and I didn't get one call or card from a student or a teacher at that school. Now, some of those same students have tried to “friend” me!

Six months later, I earned my GED and started going on auditions to be a model. I was told I was too short and too big and that I would never succeed at my dream. But I had read about plus-size modeling, so I decided to try another route. I started posting photos of myself online — in lingerie, in bathing suits, in clothing you normally wouldn't see a plus-size woman wearing — and I started attracting a significant social media following. Suddenly, I got a call for an audition in Los Angeles from someone who saw my photos online and I ended up as the face of an A&E TV show called “Heavy”. What a day it was to stand on Sunset Boulevard with my mom and see my face on one of those giant billboards.

A&E

Posting photos online launched my modeling career five years ago, but it also started a whole new round of bullying. I was called disgusting for being photographed in a bathing suit, I was told to get a muumuu — and those were some of the nicer comments. But by this time, I felt comfortable enough in my body to love the way I looked.

Loving myself was freeing in so many ways. I was able to cut all of the people out of my life who didn’t support me and surround myself only with those who loved me and appreciated me for who I am. I started expressing myself creatively, which led me to clothing designers who wanted to dress me. I went to the gym and became active. And then, I met a man who thought I was beautiful in every way and now we are engaged to be married.

I wanted to encourage other women to have this confidence that I finally felt, so I launched #effyourbeautystandards on my social media platforms. The goal is to allow other women to feel OK about wearing a bathing suit or pretty lingerie, to feel sexy enough to be in photographs and confident enough to post them online if they want to. Many women who have written to me say that they don't have any pictures of themselves because they hate the way they look, including one mother who doesn't have a single photo of herself with her child who had passed away. That made me so sad and so angry that our society pushed such an unrealistic idea of what the female body should look like.

Anthony Evans

The campaign now has close to a million followers. It is a movement that is gaining traction because so many feel they don’t fit in, that they can’t achieve their dreams, that they won’t be successful simply because of the way they look. It is daunting to be at the head of this movement, but I feel a great responsibility to inspire others and let them know that they can be who they are. They can love themselves as I love myself, and that they can find a world of love just as I have.

BEAUTY RECIPE: TURMERIC SCRUB AKA KURKUM TRADITIONAL SKIN GLOW TREAT

Turmeric powder also known as Kurkum in parts of Northern Nigeria (West Africa) is popularly used for brides -to- be in that region as it gives the brides skin a golden glow before her wedding. This natural made concoction is used to scrub the bride 2-3 times a week before their wedding for radiant flawless skin. What is Turmeric?



TURMERIC SCRUB RECIPE

Ingredients

1 cup – Natural yogurt or Milk
1/2 cup – Turmeric
1/3 cup – Organic honey
1/4 cup – Fresh lemon juice or lime juice

**This measurement is enough for 2-3 uses and can be used on the face if its not sensitive.

Directions

1. Mix all four ingredients into a bowl.

2. Add water for thinner consistency, if you wish.

3. Line bathroom with disposable paper or old napkins to avoid staining tiles and bath sink as Turmeric leaves yellow residue that may be difficult to remove.

4. Rub and scrub the paste on all parts of face (avoid eyes) and body in circular motions.

5. Leave the paste to dry on the skin for 30 minutes.

6. Rinse with warm water and towel the body.

7.Follow with your favourite body oil, preferably natural oils such as Coconut, Argan or custom oil mix.

8. Use scrub at night time. However, if you choose to use during the day, make sure you apply sunsreen after.



SKINCARE BENEFITS OF TURMERIC SCRUB

-Aids in evening out skin tone and complexion brightening.
-Acne treatment and prevention
-Removal of black heads, dark spots and blemishes.
-Reduced hyper pigmentation.

Reference:
PWETTYBAMBI.COM

Are face serums really helpful for your skin?

Of late, serums are scoring high on the popularity scale with international celebrities like Naomi Campbell, Olivia Wilde and Charlize Theron.

"I can do without a slice of my favourite pizza but I simply can't do without the bottle of my face serum," said Theron in an interview to a UK-based magazine. While in west, women swear by face serums, in India, it is yet to get a foothold. So, what is so special about face serums and do you really reap any benefits from it? Since face serum is a gel-like product and combats issues on a particular area on the face and neck, it is absorbed easily by any skin type. Due to its texture, it also penetrates the skin more easily than lotions and moisturisers. Its due to their light and oil-free texture that make it suitable for every skin type. In fact, dermatologist consider it to be a dream cure for people with oily skin.It not only helps in combating acne but also gives oily skin the exact amount of moisturiser that it needs. Face serums are known to be rich in vitamins and age-defying antioxidant.All these qualities make it an ideal product for women who are battling wrinkles and other signs of aging. Here are a few ways in which you can use a face serum properly:
Wash your face and pat dry with a clean towel. Use just a one drop of serum and dab it on your face and neck. Give your skin some time to absorb it.

You should use serums only once a day and try to use it only before bed time.

Do not step out in the sun after using face serum.

You can mix your favourite moisturiser or night cream with one drop of serum and use it before going to bed.

If you have a sensitive skin, you must wait for 15 minutes after washing your face be fore you apply serum on your face.

How to Get a Flat Stomach in a Week

You've got a big event, a bloated stomach and just one week to get that belly as flat as you can. You can do it with the tips we give you here. You'll be so pleased, you may want to stick with them once the week's up.




Method 1 of 4: Eating to Flatten Your Stomach


1
Eat more often. Instead of three large meals that can fill your belly and tax your digestive system, eat small, frequent meals or snacks. Eat your meals about two to three hours apart; they'll take up less space in your stomach, cause less expansion, keep your metabolism up and keep you feeling full.

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2
Reduce your intake of high-fiber foods. Many high fiber foods--broccoli, beans, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower--cause gas and bloating. Eliminate them from your diet during this week. When the week is over, gradually add them back one at a time. You might find that some bother your stomach more than others, and you can adjust your diet accordingly to get your fiber and keep your stomach flat.
Fight back against gas-producing foods by using Beano, which contains an enzyme that helps to break down complex sugars found in beans and cruciferous vegetables so that they can be digested more easily.


3
Adjust your fruit and veggie portions. While raw vegetables and fruits are great choices for overall health, they cause your stomach to stretch, so it's best to eat them in smaller portions spread throughout the day.


4
Check for a lactose intolerance. If dairy products cause uncomfortable gas and bloating, you may have difficulty digesting lactose, the sugar found in dairy. Try eating low-lactose foods such as yogurt, consume only small amounts of milk products at one time and eat them with other foods. You can also buy lactose-free products or take a digestive aid such as Lactaid to help break down the lactose in your digestive tract.


5
Choose potassium-rich foods. Eat high potassium foods including avocado, mini bananas, papaya, mango, cantaloupe and nonfat yogurt (made without artificial sweeteners). Potassium is a natural diuretic, so it will help reduce water retention and puffiness.[1]



Method 2 of 4: Drinking to Flatten Your Stomach


1
Make water number one. You always need to drink water, but it can be especially important if you're trying to flatten your stomach. When you drink water, you help your body maintain proper fluid balance, stop water retention (a major cause of bloated bellies) and feel full so you're inclined to eat less overall. Water also breaks down fat for energy and moves nutrients to your muscles to maintain your metabolism.
Add lemon, orange or cucumber slices to your water to give it a little flavor boost; you can also try herbs and flowers such as mint or lemon verbena.


2
Turn to green tea. Among its many benefits, green tea can also lay claim to helping reduce belly fat thanks to antioxidants called catechins that it contains. For extra fat-burning power, sip green tea before a workout.


3
Blend up a smoothie. Smoothies are a great way to stay hydrated and can contribute to a flatter stomach. When you make a smoothie with watermelon, you have the advantage of an amino acid known as arginine that's found in watermelon. A study in the Journal of Nutrition found that arginine can decrease body fat and increase lean muscle mass.[2] A smoothie made with pineapple gives you the benefit of bromelain, an enzyme in pineapple that helps break down protein, ease digestion and banish bloat.
Watermelon smoothie. Chop up two cups of watermelon and put it into a blender. Add 1/4 cup of fat-free milk and blend for about 15 seconds or until smooth.. Add 2 cups of ice and blend for 20 seconds or until you get the consistency you like. This recipe serves two.[3]
Pineapple smoothie. Measure 1 cup of skim milk and put it in a blender along with 4 ounces of fresh or canned pineapple chunks. Set the blender to "whip" and blend for 1 minute. Pour into a glass and add 1 tablespoon of cold-pressed organic flaxseed oil. Makes one serving.[4]


4
Add ginger. Ginger helps calm your GI tract and can help reduce bloating. Add some fresh, grated ginger to your green tea or boil some chopped pieces of the root to make ginger tea.


5
Drink peppermint tea. It's no accident that many restaurants offer diners peppermint candies after their meals--peppermint is a digestive aid. Brew a peppermint tea or add peppermint leaves to water or green tea.


6
Stay away from alcohol. When it comes to flattening your stomach, alcohol is not your friend. It makes your body store more of the fat you eat and burn up to 36% less fat than you normally would. It can also inhibit your body's production of fat-burning hormones.[5]


7
Avoid carbonated and fermented beverages. These drinks have gas in them, and when you consume them, you end up with gas in your intestinal system, which leads to a swollen and bloated belly.


8
Say "no" to sorbitol. Sorbitol is an artificial sweetener found in some diet sodas. While it adds sweetness without adding calories, the problem is that our bodies have trouble digesting the substance. And it's not just some sodas that contain sorbitol, look for it in yogurts, reduced-calorie foods, chewing gums and hard candies.



Method 3 of 4: Exercising to Flatten Your Stomach


1
Go with cardio. Nothing beats aerobic exercise in the battle against belly fat. A study by Duke University found that aerobic exercise was the most effective way to burn deep, visceral belly fat and that aerobic workouts burn 67% more calories than resistance training or a regimen that combines cardio and resistance.[6]
The Department of Health and Human Services recommends that healthy adults get at least 150 minutes a week of moderate aerobic activity (think brisk walking or swimming) or 75 minutes a week of vigorous aerobic activity (such as running) spread throughout the week. Activity sessions can broken up throughout the day but should be at least 10 minutes long. If you're looking to lose weight, you'll have to increase the intensity, the duration or both.


2
Do your crunches. There may never be agreement among trainers as to whether or not crunches are the best way to flatten your abs, but there's no disputing the fact that they work the muscles on the front and side of your abdomen.
Pelvic Tilt Crunch. Lie face-up on a stability ball with your back and head pressed into the ball, your feet together on the floor and a 5- to 10-pound dumbbell or medicine ball in your hands positioned against your chest. Tighten your abs and crunch up until your shoulders are off the ball. Then use both hands to reach the dumbbell or the medicine ball up toward the ceiling. Do three sets of 12-15 reps resting for 30 seconds between each set.
Arms Over Straight-Leg Crunch. Grab a pair of 10- to 12-pound dumbbells and lie on your back with your arms behind you and your legs extended and raised to a 45-degree angle. Bring your arms up over your chest and lift your shoulders off the mat while raising your legs until they're perpendicular to the floor. Return to your starting position without letting your legs touch the floor. Do three sets of 15 repetitions with a 30-second rest period between sets.


3
Work your core. Your core is made up of your abdominal muscles plus the muscles of your lower back, pelvic floor and hips--more than 15 muscles in all. For a really flat stomach, you need exercises that target all of these muscles.
Side Plank. Lie on your left side with your elbow directly beneath your shoulder and your legs stacked one on top of the other. Place your right hand on your left shoulder or on your right hip. Tighten your abs and lift your hips off the floor until you're balancing on your forearm and feet so that your body forms a diagonal line. Hold for 30 to 45 seconds. Repeat on the opposite side.
If you can’t hold the pose for 30 to 45 seconds, stay up as long as you can and work you way up.
Push-up Walkout. Get on the floor in a push-up position and place your hands so they're two inches wider than your shoulders. Keeping your feet in place, walk your hands out as far as possible, then walk back. Do 10-12 reps.
For more of challenge, you can lift one leg before you walk your hands out and back.
Climbing Rope. Sit down with your legs extended out in front of you and your feet turned out in a V position. Point your toes. Contract your core muscles and roll your spine into a C-curve. Lift your arms up and move them as if you were climbing a rope twisting slightly with each reach. Do 20 reaches with each arm.





Method 4 of 4: Creating the Illusion of a Flat Stomach


1
Improve your posture. Standing up taller can make you look five pounds lighter, so why wouldn't you do it. Stand in such a way that your pelvis is relaxed and downward with the belt line slanting forward and your backside angled back and behind (not under) you. Line your rib cage up with your stomach. Roll your shoulders back and let them drop down gently. Center your head over your spine and elongate the back of the neck by imagining a string tied to and gently lifting the crown of your head.


2
Choose belly-flattening fashions. There are a lot of ways to put your wardrobe to work for you in the battle against the belly. By choosing the right fabrics and styles, you can create the illusion of a smaller tummy.
Pick fabrics that skim the body. These include woven cotton, silk or rayon blends and lightweight wool blends. Stay away from fabrics that cling such as Lycra and lightweight knits; they tend to emphasize every bulge.
Divert the eye. Look for garments with features that draw the eye away from your mid-section. For example, tops with detailing around the neckline or a ruffle down the center give the eye something else to focus on rather than your stomach. Wrap tops and dresses are also good choices as long as they're not made from the kind of clingy fabric you're looking to avoid.
Add a belt. Use a wide belt in a dark color to cinch your waist, separating the hips and bust and creating a waistline.
Play around with patterns. Geometric and floral patterns can be a good way to disguise a bit of a belly, but you'll have to experiment at bit with the size of the pattern; make sure it's scaled to your body size.
Put color to work for you. Yes, black is the most slimming color, but it's not your only choice. Celebrity stylist Phillip Bloch recommends purple, navy, burgundy, eggplant, charcoal gray and deep emerald for a slim look. You might also want to go monochromatic and dress head-to-toe in just one color--another way to look long and lean.


3
Use shapewear. Shapewear can give you the more fashionable figure that you're looking for. It comes in many different styles but a high-waisted bike short might be the best for keeping a tummy (as well as hips and thighs) looking slimmer. Choose a control level--light, medium or firm--that gives you the look you want without causing you great discomfort or outright pain.